...where distraction is the main attraction.

Friday, July 31, 2020

Randy Brandy drinks three apple brandies

When Diving for Pennies asked me, Randy Brandy, if I wanted to blind taste some brandies, I told him to go sodomize himself with a Louis XIII bottle.

Then he did.

Then he asked me if I wanted to blind taste some brandies. I said no.

I hope quarantine has been cuddly for you snowflakes. I laugh at how stupid you look in your face panties and I laugh at the idiots who don’t wear masks. Me, I wear a bandanna. Made out of backboard bacon. Some people stop me and inquire about what it is. When they hear me croak, “Human flesh,” and smell my sweat-caked MAGA hat they stop asking me stupid questions.

Charles Neal wrote the book on Calvados and named the book, Calvados. It’s a good read and also takes a .22 slug from 30 feet like a champ. Don’t look at me like that. It’s a book, I read it, what else am I going to do with it? I hoard nothing but grudges.

Many of the calvados bottles you see on American shelves, including these two, were surrendered by the French to Charles Neal. Did you catch that surrendered part?

Here are my notes:

(Baters = Brandy taters, but that should be self-explanatory)

Roger Groult Pays d'Auge 3 year old Calvados, 40%abv
Nose - Flowers, sour apple candy and (American, not Mexican) Sprite. Butter, caramel corn, maybe some apple skins.
Palate - Sugar and vanilla. Nutmeg and ground cloves in applesauce. A bit of eau de vie sprinkled in there to give it some gonads.
Finish - Warm sugary apple juice. Some lemon juice and eau de vie.

More Notes - Almost like a liqueur, a thin liqueur. Probably goes well in cocktails but I don't drink those sad things. It works well in turkey gravy, which I do drink.

Roger Groult Pays d'Auge 12 year old Calvados, 40%abv
Nose - Fewer flowers than the 3, more oak spice. Ginger candy. Honey butter on toasted oat bran bread. Something smoky.
Palate - Less sweet than the 3, thank Jesus and Charles Neal, in that order. Lemon candy, apple chutney. Riesling and oak spice.
Finish - Apple candy, Big Red gum, Riesling.

More Notes - A man can actually drink this one neatly. The oak is starting to show, so the 18yo probably gives you splinters. Some heat to it, but also more texture. Is it worth the extra $40? I don't know, it's not my money.

I will not go gently into this indigestion. It's time for a 126 proof American apple brandy.

Copper & Kings Apple Brandy, private cask for Mid-Atlantic Whisky Lovers Society, 63%abv
(provided by some guy Kravs names "Secret Agent Man", I always thought the title was "Secret Asian Man", now the song makes no sense)
Nose - Toffee, oak spice, white peaches and a caramel-covered Fuji apple.
Palate - Like C&K's other brandies this one brings it large, like Jon Dough in Rambone 2 (GOOGLE IT ON YOUR WORK COMPUTER). It's calvados for bourbon drinkers, bourbon for calvados drinkers. The thunder of American oak and the lightning of tart fruits and ginger ale. And so on.
Finish - Tart and sweet apples, honey and vanilla.

Going to turn this American brandy French by diluting the fight out of it.

Reduced to 40%abv
Nose - Milk chocolate, Cheerios, blue cheese, caramel corn, walnuts. Malty stuff.
Palate - Classic Twix. Rich and creamy. Somewhere between wheated bourbon and long-aged calvados. White rice and lemon juice.
Finish - Caramel candy, mint and plum wine.

I. Like. The. 40%abv. Version. Better. Am I French? Am I Canadian? Oh sacrament, am I French Canadian? Decriss!

There were my notes.

Though none of these is Jupiters Darling, America wins. We win so much, we get sick and tired of winning. Something something them apples.

Roger Groult Pays d'Auge 3 year old Calvados, 40%abv - C
Roger Groult Pays d'Auge 12 year old Calvados, 40%abv - B-
Copper & Kings Apple Brandy, private cask for MAWLS - B

1 comment:

  1. April next year the disgorge for the 20gal 15y port distillate at 1yr en rama.
    Remind me then I committed a sample to you.