...where distraction is the main attraction.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Spin class

A couple months ago, as a little bit of a change of pace, I decided to try out the beginners' spin class at my gym.  I'd heard tales of vomiting and blackouts during folks' first spin session.  I thought, "Really? How hard could this be?"

Here is a lightly fictionalized account of my first spin class, interpreted in the style of Twitter:

@kravitz_hubris Minute 1. This song the instructor’s playing is great!

@kravitz_hubris Minute 3. This is kinda hard.

@kravitz_hubris Minute 5. My legs have stiffened completely but the 2 pedals create a perpetual motion machine so I can’t stop!

@kravitz_hubris Minute 7. I have sweat through my towel.

@kravitz_hubris Minute 10. I have sweat through my second towel.

@kravitz_hubris Minute 15. Is my heart supposed to hurt?

@kravitz_hubris Minute 20. Guh. Calf muscles. Trying to pull away from body.

@kravitz_hubris Minute 25. Pain. Pain. Pain. Pain.

@kravitz_hubris Minute 26. I’m supposed to be OFF my seat?

@kravitz_hubris Minute 32. Someone here has sh*t their pants but has continued pedaling.

@kravitz_hubris Minute 33. That person is me.

@kravitz_hubris Minute 37. Instructor has put on a song that never ever ever f*cking ends.

@kravitz_hubris Minute 42. The song is still going. Does sweat hide tears?

@kravitz_hubris Minute 47. It’s still going. I look up at the instructor for a sign. She’s the demon from Jacob’s Ladder.

@kravitz_hubris Minute 51. The world. So dark.

@kravitz_hubris Minute 52. So this is how I’m going to die. Not during the best shtup of my life...

@kravitz_hubris Minute 53. ...nor while trying to finish a 20x20 @ In 'n Out nor taking a bullet for the Dalai Lama…

@kravitz_hubris Minute 54. …no, I had to die during beginners spin class @7:30am on a Tuesday morning. Congratulations, a**hole.

@kravitz_hubris Minute 60. Two nice grandmas help me off my bike. Then they scurry away cuz I smell like a fertilizer truck collided w/ the rotten meat van.

@kravitz_hubris Minute 62. Cold floor nice on cheek. mmmmmm

@kravitz_hubris Minute 77. Fitness club had to call wife to pick me up. Wife pretended to not know me.

@kravitz_hubris Minute 83. I sleep now. Back to the elliptical machine tomorrow. :)