...where distraction is the main attraction.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

LIQUOR ALERT! Destination: Ralph's

Ralphs has the most outrageous sale on liquor and wine in the history of Ralphs.  I'm only telling you this because I've relieved them of all their whisky.  All of it.

One may think "30%? What's the big deal?"  But it is 30% off their sale prices.  And everything is on sale.  Thus:

Tanqueray Rangpur is 44% off.
Belvedere is 56% off.
Jamesons is 39% off.
Johnnie Walker Black is 44% off.
Johnnie Walker Green is 40% off (About $39. You will not find it cheaper in CA.)
Macallan 12 year is 36% off ($35. Again, cheapest in the state)
Macallan 18 year is 35% off ($119.  Same.)

Standing in the liquor aisle, I stopped seeing shapes and colors.  After shopping, I sat in my car staring into space, feeling like I'd just robbed the place.  I THINK this runs until the 24th.

We're going to need a bigger condo.

Dear Kristen, um, there may be some hyperbole hidden above.  I did exercise constraint, but don't look in the garage storage space.

Or am I?

Things we have learned about our condo this week

What the hell is wrong now?
The ceiling may rattle like a jackhammer between midnight and 3am.  How could that be?  Three HVAC (heating, venting, airconditioning) units sit on the roof directly above our bedroom.  One of those three units is out of whack, like an unbalanced washing machine.  It violently shakes every couple of minutes once activated, thusly thumping the cruddy roof above our tired heads.  It does not belong to us, though it sits directly on top of our property.

Thus I have had to employ neighbor conflict resolution (NCR).  NCR is lovely experience that shifts between F*****G RAGE and calm discussion at any moment.

We must begin Yenta Management because any bit of NCR gets gossiped around the entire building in less than a day.  And nothing undoes a successful bit of NCR like a yenta flapping her gums out of turn.

There are battle lines drawn between neighbors.  Holy crap.

This is our apartment. (Source)
Bull. (Source)
Yay, rain!  Boo, bird slamming into our balcony door.

There is no way to drive out the termites.  According to everyone here, the building has been bug bombed, tented, microwave-treated, and orange-oiled.  The termites are here to stay.  I will try to work out a truce with them too.

Also, sparks and smoke may shoot out of an outlet.  Twice.  Yeah, that's pretty cool.  Electrician took care of that problem.  Then two days later we discovered that:

Sparks and smoke may shoot out of a light switch.  Shocking, I tell you!  Hella safe.

Some of the windows originally installed don't actually fit the space cut for the windows.  That may give you an hint about how this building was built.  That discovery was much cooler than the sloppy gap that was punched in the ceiling to install the old smoke detector.

Our sense of humor about this place is quickly dissipating.  The flow of disappointment has rarely ebbed since Day One when I unlocked the front door to find a termite swarm 50-strong bouncing around our living room.

Before purchasing our home, we had set aside a not-inconsiderable bit of savings to spruce this place up, improve our investment, and make it into our home.  Most of that money has gone and will go into simply keeping this place livable.  Those dream projects for which we'd saved will have to wait years or be discarded altogether.  The emotional upheaval that went into this move (which had followed the truly ugly experience of purchasing this place) has now segued directly into the feeling that we walk the tightrope above larger unseen struggles.

Now, I cannot say that Kristen feels 100% the same as I do regarding the sentences in the above paragraph.  She is full of constructive optimism which is a gift that I admire.  But I do know that this has been very draining on us both.  And we're not getting wiser via this "learning".  We're mentally fatigued.  And frankly, I'm getting dumber.

That was supposed to be the whisky's job, not the condo's.

This is the 13th image that shows up on a Google Image search for our condo.
Thought you'd like to know. (Source)