With 3D theatrical attendance declining rapidly, three classics(?) are being pushed into theatres next year with the hope that they'll cash in as well as Lion King 3D.
THE PHANTOM MENACE 3D:
After releasing, rereleasing, rereleasing, rereleasing, and rereleasing (not an exaggeration) the Star Wars saga on home video -- after rereleasing and expanding them theatrically -- LucasFilms is squatting and squeezing them out in three dimensions theatrically. Which will be followed by a home video rerelease.
They'll start at the beginning with the unnecessarily poor and BORING Episode I: The Phantom Menace. If I ever question if my distain for this film is overwrought, all I have to do is press play on this trailer. I can't even make it through. Enjoy it in 3D! For $18 a person!
So let me get this straight, Sir Cameron. You want me to sit in a theatre for over three hours and watch a period piece that takes place on a boat in 3D? Weren't you the guy complaining (here, here, here, and here) about all these new releases that were shot in 2D then upconverted to 3D? Are you not doing that yourself? Has your swimming pool run low on gold bullion?
I could definitely enjoy seeing Kate Winslet nude momentarily in 3D. But I would much rather see a real woman nude in 3D. Without the stupid glasses on. She can wear the glasses though, that would be cool. Which is a natural transition for...
BEAUTY AND THE BEAST 3D:
Super! Now I can watch those weird crummy CGI insert backgrounds in three dimensions! And the mentally-retarded bad guy sidekick who falls down a lot and is never spoken about in polite company too!
The upside to having a daughter: Girls are awesome. The downside: this and everything related to Disney heroines. If I have a daughter, she'll develop role models from Bette Davis and Joan Crawford movies (I mean the early ones, not What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? or Watcher in the Woods or......on second thought, maybe just Myrna Loy and Grace Kelly films).
Back to the point. Thank you Disney for encouraging the $100 night out (without dinner!) for a young family of four during this economy.
Meanwhile the rest of the populace will rock some Hot Pockets and pirated pirate movies. Or affix their monocles, sip cognac, and watch Masterpiece Theatre on PBS. ← ME!