Dispatch from Paris

Because I’m tapping this out on my iPhone, today’s post will be in bullet form. We Americans prefer to write in bullets anyway.

— PARIS BE VAPIN’! You cannot stop Paris from vapin’. Though once a day I still see at least one pair of ladies balancing cigarettes as elegantly as Bette Davis and Kate Hepburn.

Stairs de Triomphe

— I wasn’t going to buy any whisky but……you know where this is going……then I visited all three LMDWs.

— I did not pack appropriately for this trip. The forecast showed low-60s to low-70s several days before I left. Instead, temperatures haven’t gotten out the low-50s and every morning is in the 30s when I start my adventures. So yeah, did you know that one can buy clothes in Paris?

That guy

— What an alcohol culture! There are four places inside the Eiffel Tower to get wine.

— Speaking of Tour Eiffel here are my notes:

1. If you have any health concerns, don’t be a hero, don’t walk up the first two levels. Take the elevator.

2. If you choose to take the stairs, don’t smoke beforehand nor eat before the climb.

3. They should offer hot brandy toddies at the top, not champagne. The ground temperature was 50 degrees, but at the top I was met by sheets of sleet.

4 The tower was much more impressive than I’d expected. Its sturdy industrial style looks almost steampunk to modern eyes.

— Where do Parisians pee? No it’s not a riddle. Or maybe it is. The Paris tourism website brags about 400 public toilets. I have visited 16 so far, all of them broken. Yours truly has now publicly whizzed in the bushes in three European countries.

— My, the girls here are purdy.

— Guidebooks say it would take days to get through The Louvre. I knocked it out in four hours, and I never hurried. Having been to Versailles a couple days earlier, I’d had my fill of the Louiez’ decor and extravagance, so I skipped that section. More importantly, I’d already seen enough depictions of milky-white Jeezus to last me several lifetimes, so I skimmed those hallways. If you have not had your fill of said paintings, be prepared to add 2+ hours to your visit. Even more importantly, here is the Tushie de Milo.

I hope this has been informative. Perhaps another dispatch will find its way here before the trip is over.