Monday Miscellaneous

I wake from vivid dreams where I've been framed for murdering a producer and my car's been firebombed to the real world sounds of shouting and gunfire.  I lay in bed a moment, my heart racing.  The shouting continues.

A moment later I realize our alcoholic (at the very least) oddball neighbor across the way has passed out with her TV cranked up to 11 and her front door open.  The amplified onscreen turmoil no one's watching had filtered into my unconscious and influenced my nightmares.  I wake her up and have her close the door.  It is 2:45am.

At 4:45am I am still awake, the adrenaline still bouncing around my brain banging pots together.  I have to trick my consciousness into believing that I am having an out of body experience, looking down at myself from the ceiling, in order to slip into sleep.  Two hours later our cell phone alarms go off.  Two hours of restful sleep.

---

Mad Men 

(TONS OF SPOILERS AHEAD)

I love the writing staff's decision to go big and crazy this season.  From the two hour sexy premiere to Don's fever dream of killing an ex-lover with his bare hands to Lane delivering a beatdown to "grimy pimp" Campbell to LSD reverie to handjobs in a movie theater.  But a heartfelt slow clap goes out to Julia Ormond servicing a particular gentleman in one of the more graphic simulated oral sex shots I've seen.  And I may have seen a few.

These are all moments that are much louder than anything in previous seasons (aside from the lawnmower scene).  Subtle character development remains.  Something messy gradually unfurls at the agency.  And there's the continual descent into darkness.  So it's still Mad Men, just a little bigger.  But give us more Joan story, please!

I really have no idea where this season is going, as is the case every season.  Sally Draper is going to be one scrambled adult, but how screwed up is the question.  Teen pregnancy?  Suicide?  Homicide?  My bet is on Megan leaving Don, who will continue to be powerless (aka Happy Don) when in her radius.  And I wouldn't be terribly surprised if Roger and Joan make another go at things.

If there was one theme that's run the loudest during season, then it's Parents Screw Up Their Children.

Mad Men Sad Men Bad Men

---

Books

We have 'em.  In fact, a consistent issue in our home is bookshelf space.  We never ever have enough.

A few years ago I stopped buying new books and scoured the Used listings for the Amazon Marketplace sellers.  I couldn't believe more people weren't doing the same.  Books in great condition for a buck and change (plus shipping)?  The accumulation of the printed word continued, until I took the next logical step...

No, I didn't buy a Kindle.

I obtained a Long Beach Library card.  And now I'm reading more than I have in decades.  I have research books.  And Serious Literature.  And frivolities.  I'm saving buckets of cash and stopping the bookshelf stuffing.

I've even raided the "Government" and "Federal" stacks.  Checked out old maps of LA County (picture Chinatown but without the bifurcated nostril and a nicer librarian).  They rent out old music and even have a bunch of free downloads.

And best of all, they still have the occasional schizophrenic wandering in shouting, "WHERE ARE THE APPLICATIONS FOR THE US GOVERNMENT JOBS?  APPLES!  FRANKLIN DELANOR ROOSEVELT!  DO YOU HAVE JELLY ROLL MORTON?  HOOVER HAD HIM KILLED!  I WANT TO WORK IN A FOREST!"  Ah, that's just timeless.

The library smells like the best parts of my nerdy childhood and the bathrooms are clean.  Makes me feel fulfilled.

Whisky Ramblings, Month in review and Month in preview

So that was a weird whisky month.  Thanks to the 'Tour', being sick, and travelling I've had a grand total of 3 ounces of single malt Scotch whisky for the entirety of April. (Okay that's a fib; there was the LA Scotch Club tastings. Bless you, chaps.)

Aside from the reviewed world whiskies, I tried some blends from Ireland and Scotland.  Cheap blends.    I'm still on the search for a nice new Scotch cheapie for The Cabinet.  I'll be reporting all of my blended findings in May.

I might dabble in some bourbon in the coming months as I widen my search for affordable quality drank.  Otherwise, I have at least 3 massive Scotch Taste Offs prepped over the next 2 months.  This time, it's all about product line verticals.  These three distilleries, combined, have 1/3rd of Macallan's production capacity, but are as or more beloved by whisky anoraks than big Mac.  Their names will remain shrouded in mystery for now...

But back to the blends for a sec.  When I reached for a drink last night, I realized what I wanted was a whisky I didn't have to ponder, mull, and pontificate over.  Just something reliable (and inexpensive so I wouldn't feel any guilt over additional servings), so I could just enjoy and forget about it.  It should taste good, but sometimes I don't need a winged choir singing to me on every whisky sip.  Just something to chill with.  Again and again.  Repeat if necessary.

Happily, I have Powers Gold Label.  C'mon Scotland, step it up!

Whuuuut? How does this exist and I not know about it
until now? Yeah, it's for decor purposes, but who doesn't
want a flagon?!

Good weekend wishes to you all!

Single(?) Malt Report: Amrut Fusion

We conclude our World Whisky Tour with a multi-national option.  A British Empire selection, if you will.  Amrut Fusion.

Recipe:  1 part Indian barley + 1 part peated Scotch barley.  Malt 'em, distill 'em, age them for 3-4 years in oak.  Dispense into bottles.  Win some serious awards:

2009 - Best Natural Cask (Daily Drams), Malt Maniacs Awards
2010 - 3rd Best Whisky in the World, Jim Murray
2011 - World Whisky of the Year, Malt Advocate

Three sets of folks who rarely concur on their whisky faves and they all raved about this one.

Distillery: Amrut

Age: around 3 to 4 years

Batch: #04, January 2010

Maturation: ex-bourbon and/or new oak casks
Region: Distillation - India (Bangalore), Maltings - Scotland and India
Alcohol by Volume: 50%

First, a question.  Is this really a single malt?  I've read various descriptions about this whisky's parts.  I had seen "Indian barley and Scottish barley" and "Indian malt and Scottish malt".  So I wondered how they could bottle this as a "single malt".

I went to the Scottish Whisky Association's 2009 Scotch Whisky regulations for an answer.  Amrut says they play by the SWA's rules.  So how does the SWA define a single malt?

Single Malt Scotch Whisky means a Scotch Whisky produced from only water and malted barley at a single distillery by batch distillation in pot stills.

Thus what Amrut must be doing is shipping the peated Scottish barley all the way to India, then distilling it along with the Indian barley in their facilities in Bangalore.  Since the Scottish barley is peated, then it was likely malted in Scotland then dried with peat smoke before it shipped.

So, to conclude:  The barley can be malted in multiple locations (around the world), but as long as the whisky is distilled at a single distillery, it can be labelled a single malt.  Okey doke.

---

I've done a pair of Amrut reports already, both with some distillery info, we can skip the history part.  But why 'Amrut'?  What does it mean?  Per their website:

According to Indian Mythology, when Gods and Rakshasas - the demons - churned the oceans using the mountain Meru as churner, a golden pot sprang out containing the Elixir of Life. That was called the "Amrut".

Amrut is the Elixir of Life.

One of Whisky's root Gaelic terms is 'uisge beatha' which translates roughly to "Water of Life".

So Amrut's doubling up on the life-giving-liquid terminology.  Works for me.

---

I picked up a 50mL mini of Fusion along with Amrut's Cask Strength (reviewed here) at Mission Wine & Spirits several months back.  I freed it last night.

NOTES

NEAT:
Color -- Brass
Nose -- Brown sugar, bourbon oak, bitter grapefruit, lots of vanilla yogurt, Nillas!, new oak; with some time it gets a little candy-sweeter and there's a brief swimming pool note
Texture -- Very thick
Palate -- Grassy, light peat, caramel, very ripe fruit, mildly sweet
Finish -- Lengthy, drying, light peat, caramel

WITH WATER (about 40% ABV)
Color -- It clouds up immediately, thus no chill filtering!
Nose -- Pencils, new oak, alcohol + spice zing, apple juice, light peat
Palate -- Water brings out more peat and more sweet, soft sweet creamy custard, brown sugar, almond cookies
Finish -- Medium, molasses, citrus sour

You may notice how brief the palate notes were, compared to the nose, on the neat sampling.  That was because it was SO DAMN GOOD that I had difficultly figuring out what I was tasting.  Some folks say they get something chocolate fudgy.

Fusion works very well with water too.  It helped sort through the individual characteristics.  Overall, it's not really that peaty.  A little less than Highland Park, probably.

I recommend this for Scotch lovers.  It's definitely a dessert dram.  It's one of those whiskys that you sip, then stare at your glass and say in your most manly voice, "That's yummy."

---

Because this marks the end of my World Whisky Tour, I'd like to comment on the international character of this whisky's production.  As mentioned earlier, a good portion of this whisky's barley is grown in Scotland.  Then it is shipped to India.  After it's been distilled and aged, the bottles are then shipped to the United States.  If you're not following my italics here, I'll make it plain.

Scotch Whisky import distance:
US EAST:
3,300 miles by boat
US WEST:
3,300 miles by boat
2,800 miles by land

Amrut Fusion full import distance:
US EAST:
16,100 miles by boat
2,800 miles by land
US WEST:
16,100 miles by boat

Consider Fusion's carbon footprint.  Or, if carbon footprints aren't your thing, think about how much petroleum is needed for that whisky bottle to get to your liquor cabinet.

Maybe it's just me but I can't not think about it.  As tremendous as this malt is, I will probably never buy a bottle (mini or otherwise) of it......until container ships are run on happiness.

But the whisky is great.

---

Availability - Available at most liquor specialists

Pricing - Good at $60-$70

Rating - 90

The Flailing Writer Goes Gardening (part one?)

This post has no whisky in it.

* * * * *

It's been a difficult year for me.

In 2011, I ended my previous stable 9:30-6:30 job with good folks in order to pursue my screenwriting career full time.  In 2012, the pursuit has gone so consistently poorly (at times abysmally) that I question that decision every day.  I won't burn the people I've worked with here.  I've had no personal problems with any of them and almost always enjoy interacting with them.  It's not that I lost faith in the system.  I never had faith in the system.  Successful screenwriters slip through the system in their own unique ways.  Rather, the disposability of the creative element has become so apparent to this creative element (me) that the act of creation seems like forgone trash.  There's money to be made in this, somehow, but the human element is dead as it is in most things related to business.  I'm now more focused on my own preservation than artistic creation.

And I've been sick more days this year than since I was a child.  Which is weird because (until now) I never get sick. I'm normally a healthy dude.  To quote LMFAO, I work out.  I eat less meat than I used to.  I drink less than I used to.  I stopped smoking cigars.  I hydrate appropriately.  Et cetera, et cetera.  Yet all of that, plus some more et cetera, has lost a lot of battles recently.

There are also numerous very personal issues that have gone precipitously downhill.  Some of which I must let fall apart.  Some of which I must save.

This is just a big lead-up to one thing.  I've lost my soul.  Not my SOUL.  But my soul.  As in Sam Cooke soul:



So how do I get that back?

Firstly, since I picked up a library card (remember those?) last month I've been reading more stuff than I have since I was that sickly kid.  But since the reading is there to build up my brain cells and writing style, I'll save the library tales for another post.

Secondly, I'm attempting to grow things.  Or at the very least, keep things alive.  Our condo has a great top-floor balcony that faces East, but also gets sun from the North and South.  It overlooks a noisy street, so there's a limit to how much a person may want to hang out there during the day.  But sun-loving plants would greatly desire to hang out there during the day.

Kristen and I like to keep as green, organic, and local as possible.  What's greener, more organic, and local than.......a garden on our property?

I don't have a green thumb or a black thumb or a brown thumb.  I have a thumb.  Two thumbs, actually.  For four years I've kept some geraniums alive.  Some ferns and ficus trees have also survived, probably despite my efforts.  Four basil plants have committed suicide in the last two years.  And all but one of our succulents have either died or shriveled up.  I didn't know that cactuses were killable, but they are!

We have a chili pepper plant, given to us by our realtor when we'd closed on the condo purchase.  She, the plant, fruited a ton of long red spicy peppers last year.  She, the plant, has since gone quite quiet.  The old leaves were shed.  New ones started growing in three months ago, then abruptly stopped.  Three tiny peppers sprouted, then stopped.  Then nothing.

I'm going to bring Pepper back to life.

Here's the before, note the three little peppers.

Here she is in her pieces.

From right to left: Her original pot, then a hefty ceramic pot that I had to put her in because the wind would blow her ass around, and a vestigial dish.

First, I replanted her into that ceramic pot.  But, the ceramic pot has no holes so it cannot drain.  That can result in drowning or rotting out the plant.  So before I did any replanting, I made like John Holmes and drilled three holes its bottom.

I am already sorry for that metaphor.

Next, I repotted it with some new soil.  Finally, I watered it with some nice thick fertilizer "tea".  More on that tea in a moment.  The after shot:

I would like to think that Pepper's branches are raised up in victory.

---

Last month I planted chives, cilantro, thyme, oregano, and basil.  Yesterday, I planted parsley.  I do a lot of cooking around here and I'm thrifty, so I would get stompin' mad every time we'd pay 2 or 3 bucks for a clump of 'fresh' herbs at the store.  A freaking plant of the same herbs costs $3.

Sorry for the weird pic. I was testing out the "panorama" shot.

And yes the basil looks sad.  It's new too.  The oregano must have told it about the fate of the previous two basil plants in that pot.  Abandon all hope ye basil.

What I'm really geeked about are these:

Up top, we've got zucchini on the left and cherry tomatoes on the right.  On the bottom, heirloom tomatoes.

Tip:  The terra cotta (stone/clay-like) pots may look better and cost more, but they're breathable.  Which means that if they get a lot of sun, then they let in a lot of heat.  Soil and roots like heat as much as I like Nicki Minaj's rapping.  Which means, they hate heat.  It will result in an unhappy plant.  Plastic pots are cheaper, but potentially better because they're not cooking the roots.

And yup, most of our plants are in terra cotta pots.  (Just found out about the above tip yesterday.)  The herbs have been more than fine.  But the veggies...well, I'll see what happens.  The big heirloom plant is in a plastic pot.  I will report back with results.

Oh, and the fertilizer tea?

Looks like a cross between Lipton and sewage.  Smells like it too.

I'm using a dry organic fertilizer with a nitrogen-phosphorus-potassium (NPK) balance for veggies and fruits.  I mixed the dry stuff in with the soil of our veggies and fruits as per the directions.

For the herbs --> I soaked one cup of fertilizer per one gallon of water for 36 hours (the 'tea'), then watered 'em with it.

Labor-wise, it's been a few hours playing in the mud.  Which really isn't labor until I f**k something up.  Then there's a few minutes here and there, watering and mixing up some 'tea'.

And that's it.  Every day I peek outside to make sure they're all still alive.  Every other day, I'll be watering them.  If anybody fruits up, I'm taking pictures.

Single Malt Report: Glen Spey 21 year old 1988 (Diageo Special Release)

The Whisky World Tour comes to a place called Scot Land (I believe?) for its next-to-last stop.

So, if we're in the home of Scotch and this is an actual single malt (as per the post's title), then why is this reporter going with something most folks haven't heard of?  Is he just flashing some hipster cred?  Is he showing off?

No he I am not.  I promise.  :-)

Last week, I wrote an extensive gripe about the Diageo machine, eventually building up to why I'll be boycotting them after 2013.  One of things the things I harped on was the odd way they treated/referred to their single malt business.  Their mouthpiece said that they do not make single malts for folks to enjoy.  That isn't true.  They just don't commit to single malts fully.

They have 28 active distilleries, only twelve of which get regular releases.  Those are the "Classic Malts". Some of the remaining sixteen distilleries get "special releases" (please pardon all the quotation marks, these are Diageo's terms).  The "Special Releases" are rare, limited, older-aged bottlings.  They're often priced high and bought up quickly by aficionados......you know, the very same folks Diageo claims they're not making whisky for------

Okay, Diageo pooping was last week.  This is this week.

And this is:

Distillery: Glen Spey
Owner: Diageo
Age: minimum 21 years (1988 - 2010)
Maturation: ex-sherry American oak

Region: Speyside (Rothes)

Alcohol by Volume: 50.4%
Limited Release: 5844 bottles

A bit about the distillery:

James Stuart built the facility as a corn mill originally, then had it converted to a distillery in the early 1880s.  After Stuart bought the Macallan distillery in 1886, he sold Glen Spey to Gilbey's, a London wine and spirits merchant.  It was the first sale, ever, of a Scotch whisky distillery to an English company.

Gilbey's became Independent Distillers and Vintners (IDV) in 1962, when it merged its business with Justerini & Brooks -- makers of the J&B blend.  Eight years later, IDV was acquired by the company that would later become......Diageo.

A bit about the whisky:

Since that IDV merger 50 years ago, Glen Spey has been one of the main elements in J&B.  Charles MacLean's great Whiskypedia says that the new make spirit is light, spicy, and nutty.  A style purposely designed for blends.

Not counting one ultra-rare single cask, this "Special Release" is the only single malt official bottling of Glen Spey over the past seven years.  It's not caramel-colored and it's not chill-filtered, two items that work its favor.

The Tastin':

I got my hands on a taste of this through Master of Malt's 30mL samples.  I don't remember why I bought it.  Doubtful as an impulse purchase since it was the most expense dram in that particular order. And I'm always planning out my orders in detail a month ahead of time.

Let's just say that it was fortuitous, auspicious, and delicious.

To that point, it was so lovely that I didn't even plop any water into it.  Instead, I sat with it for about an hour as I watched a movie.

NOTES:

Color -- Deep gold with a hint of red
Nose -- A spritely fruitiness, tropical fruit maybe?, toasty oak, coconut, light rye whiskey, cake batter, pencil shavings, Play-Doh, almond extract
Palate -- Bubblegum, apple juice, very floral, dessert wine (more port than sherry actually), custard, gets sweeter with time
Finish -- Medium length, candied, fresh cherries, a fruit tart!

First thought:  This is grand.
Second thought:  Diageo, what else are you hiding from us?!  You clearly have delightful product in your warehouses.  Set it free!

This is wonderful whisky.  But it has to fit into your sort of style.  There's no peat, there's no heat, and it's not very sweet.  It's not a whisky that's gone soft and mild with age.  It has held onto its complexity, showing new elements with each return.

Now, pricing is all relative.  This whisky is in an age category that's out of my $$$ range (dammit!).  But in its age category, it is priced very well considering the limited release.  It's only $20-$25 more than Glenfiddich 21yr, a whisky that is available everywhere, every year, in generous quantity.  I wouldn't be surprised if less than 200 cases of Glen Spey 21yr came to the US two years ago.

If you have the means to purchase something in this price range and you like rye whiskey or you enjoy complex fruity-but-not-sweet malts, I'd recommend this.  And then, please share!  :-P

Availability - Some US liquor specialists

Pricing - Very Good at $170-$190

Rating - 92

On Thursday we'll make our final Whisky World Tour stop with something that's neither here nor there, but many places at once...

Strep Throat in April? What?

Don't really know how one gets strep throat during a 70-80 degree April.  Especially "one" who spends most of his time indoors by himself.

*earthquake just hit, unrelated but awesome*

I'm going to blame it on the scumbags at the gym whom pick their noses, wipe their asses, blow snot rockets, rub their junk, pick their asses, and wipe their noses without a proper washup afterwards.  And then lift the very same weights I do.  Now I can't kiss my wife for a week.

I just switched to a larger, cleaner, newer 24-Hour Fitness, but that doesn't mean that the majority of the members f**kers are any less likely to break all of the 30 Simple Rules.  That's why I wash my hands thoroughly after every workout.  Maybe I should turn into one of those Purell junkies after all.

I've been trying to figure out what to eat, since I can't even swallow water without a stabbing pain.  So here's my list thus far:

Things to eat when you have Strep Throat:
Nothing - probably not the best option
Yogurt - antibiotics prevent the growth of good bacteria in your stomach, yogurt provides some of that missing good stuff naturally
Soup - as close to broth as possible
Whisky
Smoothies (w/protein) - but be careful, the cold stuff may feel good but the resulting ice-cream headache will punish your brains
Oatmeal - but not the thick kind
Maple Syrup - helps the medicine go down.  I'm kidding.  Sorta.
Chip dip without the chips - desperation takes over
Bowl of melted butter, BBQ sauce, honey, and tears of self pity - eat your shame with a spoon

Yeah, that's about it.

There's a lot of drinking of things like water (important) and hot tea which you'll swallow as your throat cries "F**K!" just like you do when you stub your pinky toe on a chair leg.

Good.  Times.  Now everyone, wash your hands.

I should post this at the gym

Cupcakes for Kristen

Since K's birthday was in the middle of Passover, I had to delay the birthday cake baking.  Thus the caking commenced today.

I may cook successfully from time to time, but baking?  Well, the meme said it best......

(source)

A day later, I'm happy to say that the condo remains intact.  And...

BOOM. Cupcakes.

Red Velvet Cupcakes with Cream Cheese Frosting.

When Kristen came home, they looked all cute and neat sitting there on the stove in the clean kitchen.

She has no idea what a g*ddamn Buster Keaton movie it was during their three-hour assembly.  You know, the Keaton film in which he calls a spatula a "******* ****!" seven times.

This is the recipe I used, though I added more (non-alkalized) cocoa and used a 1/3 of the coloring (because it's an industrial chemical additive).  It's actually a very easy recipe, I'm just a saphead.

The cake is good, the frosting is ridiculous.  I'm still riding my sugar high, 20 hours later.