A child takes a sh*t in a tub. Buy our product.
"That's great, Honey!"
I'm assuming she's going make the child clean the sh*t out of the tub himself, after she shoves his face in it. Otherwise -- look how proud he is of himself -- he's going to deuce the drain again tomorrow.
This is all I'm going to picture next time I see a bottle of Clorox.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Single Malt Report: Bunnahabhain 12 years old
Bunnahabhain. Yeah, that's how it's spelt.
An empty dram of it.
Here's what a full fifth of it looks like:
The dram is mine, the bottle is not. Sadly.
Bunnahabhain. Still working on spelling it. It's Gaelic for "Mouth of the River".
Pronounced (pro-nownst) Boo-na-hah-vin, Bunnahabhain, along with Bruichladdich (we'll get to that one another time) are the two Islay distilleries that are the hardest to spell. But more importantly they're the two Islay distilleries that keep their malt peating to a tiny minimum.
So it's a bit of a switcheroo on one's whisky wits when one sips this Islay and the silky sherried malty malt hits the tastebuds. Donde esta el fuego del peat? No esta aqui. (Guess who almost got a 'Fail' in Pass-Fail Spanish 3??? Señor Krav.)
Let's get to some history:
The distillery was built in 1881 by a partnership of Robertson & Baxter (Glasgow) and the Greenlees Brothers (Campbeltown). This partnership became Highland Distilleries in 1887 and would later become quite the powerhouse, also owning Macallan and Highland Park. Production at the Bunnahabhain officially began in 1883 and has survived multiple whisky droughts, Prohibition, industry-wide overproduction, and two world wars.
They doubled their stills in 1963, creating what was then the largest production capacity on Islay (now surpassed by Caol Ila). In 1999, Highland Distilleries was acquired by The Edrington Group. In 2003, it was sold to Burn Stewart Distillers -- who are part of the conglomerate that owns Belvedere Vodka and Angostura Bitters.
Bunnahabhain's unpeated malt was developed specifically for blending, as it was an element of Cutty Sark and a major ingredient in Black Bottle (also owned by Burn Stewart). They first started bottling it as a single malt in the 1970s and haven't changed the label of the saluting sailor and "Westering Home" motto since.
Distillery: Bunnahabhain
Age: minimum 12 years
Maturation: Sherry casks
Region: Islay (North Shore)
Alcohol by Volume: 46.3%
Around 2010, this twelve-year old malt's ABV had increased from 40% to 46.3%. The whisky also has no artificial coloring and isn't chill-filtered. Three great things working in its favor (flavor?) right there.
NEAT:
The color is a very dark amber, courtesy of sherry casks.
My first reaction about the nose: "It smells like a sweetie!" That's the first time an Islay gave me that reaction. There's lots of sherry in the nose. Maraschino cherries. Liquor-filled chocolates. Sweet citrus (maybe oranges?). Cherry lolipops. And toasted candied walnuts.
The palate was very full and silky. Full of nuts and sherriness. Very fragrant fruits, like lychee or fresh apricots.
More sherry cask in the lengthy finish. More of the sweet citrus. Very warm.
Scrumptious!
WITH WATER, about 30% ABV
The nose is lighter, airier. Still some sherry, but the malt jumps forward.
The palate ... well, here are my notes: "Creamier, cream, and also creamy."
The finish was a spicy sherry creamsicle.
Clearly this one's best for (or with) dessert. In a blindfold test, I would never guess that it's an Islay. Most of the great whisky noses out there can find a tiny bit of the Islay salt and smoke. Distracted by the big sherry, I didn't find it. But I'd love to give it seven or eight more tries...
[Update (2/28/12) -- Found it! Found the peat. Had a glass of Bunny 12 for dessert at Postrio at The Venetian in Vegas. Perhaps it was the brandy snifter, perhaps it was a fresh bottle, perhaps I was on my game. The peat is lovely and subtle, not intrusive. Possibly even a starter Islay for the peat averse. This scootches it up one spot in the rankings.)
NEAT:
The color is a very dark amber, courtesy of sherry casks.
My first reaction about the nose: "It smells like a sweetie!" That's the first time an Islay gave me that reaction. There's lots of sherry in the nose. Maraschino cherries. Liquor-filled chocolates. Sweet citrus (maybe oranges?). Cherry lolipops. And toasted candied walnuts.
The palate was very full and silky. Full of nuts and sherriness. Very fragrant fruits, like lychee or fresh apricots.
More sherry cask in the lengthy finish. More of the sweet citrus. Very warm.
Scrumptious!
WITH WATER, about 30% ABV
The nose is lighter, airier. Still some sherry, but the malt jumps forward.
The palate ... well, here are my notes: "Creamier, cream, and also creamy."
The finish was a spicy sherry creamsicle.
Clearly this one's best for (or with) dessert. In a blindfold test, I would never guess that it's an Islay. Most of the great whisky noses out there can find a tiny bit of the Islay salt and smoke. Distracted by the big sherry, I didn't find it. But I'd love to give it seven or eight more tries...
[Update (2/28/12) -- Found it! Found the peat. Had a glass of Bunny 12 for dessert at Postrio at The Venetian in Vegas. Perhaps it was the brandy snifter, perhaps it was a fresh bottle, perhaps I was on my game. The peat is lovely and subtle, not intrusive. Possibly even a starter Islay for the peat averse. This scootches it up one spot in the rankings.)
Pricing - Very Good at $45, Sorta Acceptable at $55
Rating - 86
Friday, February 3, 2012
The "God Bless America" trailer
This trailer for "God Bless America" will either excite or upset your Friday.
(Warning: Not Safe for Work due to cusswords.)
I have two different voices going on in my head about this film. The first one says that the movie looks like a contemporary Bonnie and Clyde tied to a theme of our society in decay. The other voice says, wow someone's going to go on a shooting spree after seeing this.
Of course, I haven't seen the actual film. Nor have its detractors. Can't judge a film's ethics based on a trailer. Though this trailer seems to hold back little of the ethical comment.
And clearly it taps into the intellectual, creative, and ethical decay that most of us feel is happening all around our country. But it (the trailer) addresses it with the finality of death and destruction, a fantasy that all ills can be ended with anarchic violence.
And that's where the third of my schizophrenic voices says, "While I'm sure that this movie will be more interesting than anything else in theaters this year, I'm going to skip it." I'm going to judge this film, based on the trailer alone, because I'm tired of American violence. I'm tired of how it's woven into our values. Not just in our news and politics. I'm tired of seeing in art. Hearing about it in music. Watching documentaries about it. Seeing narrative films exploit it. Seeing narrative films comment on it.
Seriously, when are we going to get some good films about healthy American sex? I'll watch documentaries about it. Narrative films that exploit it. Narrative films that comment on it. Yes, this subject matter is easily accessed online for free via a multitude of websites that'll play graphic somewhat-staged lightly-edited episodes. But I'd rather see our larger entertainment industry embrace American sexuality much more fully, especially in our cinema. Hell, independent and big-budget. Sex is much more interesting and entertaining than violence. And there are great swells of money to be made by it. So there's no reason to shun capitalism in order to perpetuate the mythical puritan ethic.
Give us unending hours of flesh that doesn't bleed and I'll say "God Bless America."
Thursday, February 2, 2012
NOT Single Malt Report: Blanton's Single Barrel Bourbon
WHAT?! A BOURBON!!!1!!1!!! What the F^&% is wrong with you? First you gush all over an Irish Pot Still and now you're scribbling about Kentucky brown swill (rhyme!)? Bloody American.
Now, calm down there, Blue Text. Bourbon is whiskey. Eastern Kentucky was largely settled by the Scots--
--and Irish--
--but not the British--
--go on--
--in the 18th century. They brought their distilling skills with them to the new world and made whiskies out of whatever grains grew on the land: corn, rye, wheat, AND barley.
(grumble)
Without bourbon, we wouldn't have bourbon barrels. Without bourbon barrels, we wouldn't have Springbank 10.
Ah, you've got me there. Okay, I give in.
Blanton's releases only single barrel bourbons, not a blend of barrels. This was a brand new approach to bourbon bottling upon the first Blanton release in 1984. The company responsible for this experiment was Ancient Age Distillery (now Buffalo Trace Distillery).
Colonel Albert Blanton worked for Ancient Age for fifty-five years, including as the president of the plant for 38 years (until 1959). His presidency survived floods, a world war, and the ill-served Prohibition. According to the company's website, "After taste-testing samples, Col. Blanton would pick an individual barrel he liked best and have it bottled. The bottles became his special select single barrel bourbons." So, to mark the 25th anniversary of the Colonel's passing, the company began to release single barrel bourbons to the public. These releases have since become resounding successes worldwide.
Distillery: Buffalo Trace
Brand: Blanton's Single Barrel
Region: Kentucky, USA
Age: unknown; I've seen guesses of 12+ years, but I think it's younger
Bottled: 8/15/2011
Barrel: 18
Warehouse: 14
Rick: 2
Bottle: 137
Alcohol by volume: 46.5%
Here's a pic of the cool bottle:
Okay, it's not specifically the bottle from which I'd sampled. But I wanted to show how lovely it all is, from the shape, to the label, to the honeyed color.
My parental in-laws purchased a bottle of Blanton's for my brother in-law, Andrew, for Christmas. Upon his arrival in Upstate New York, he opened this glass amber jewel and we tried it out.
Admittedly, my bourbon palate is not yet precisely refined. My history with the stuff has been with......how shall I put it gently......the lowest-shelf variety. Yet whiskey is whiskey and it was a pleasure to try this.
NEAT:
The color. Damn. Look at it. Gorgeous. Very dark. Somewhere between a PX-finished scotch and maple syrup.
The nose: Very boozy and hot. Somehow both floral and meaty. Then a creamy toffee dessert. And, of course, Bourbon Vanilla.
The palate: The heat! Fizzy and more of the flowers. A little perfumy, followed by bitter grapefruit.
The finish: Full of stamina. A little vegetal and quite bitter.
WITH WATER:
Oils swim through the color, but no clouding. Likely due to chill filtration.
The nose is cayenne peppery. There's some oak and the vanilla knows how to stay afloat.
The palate gets sweeter, smoother and velvety. Full of grasses and more vanilla.
The finish softens. Very cake-like.
I would drink this again. That's something I can't often say about bourbons. My mind has been opened.
Now, calm down there, Blue Text. Bourbon is whiskey. Eastern Kentucky was largely settled by the Scots--
--and Irish--
--but not the British--
--go on--
--in the 18th century. They brought their distilling skills with them to the new world and made whiskies out of whatever grains grew on the land: corn, rye, wheat, AND barley.
(grumble)
Without bourbon, we wouldn't have bourbon barrels. Without bourbon barrels, we wouldn't have Springbank 10.
Ah, you've got me there. Okay, I give in.
Blanton's releases only single barrel bourbons, not a blend of barrels. This was a brand new approach to bourbon bottling upon the first Blanton release in 1984. The company responsible for this experiment was Ancient Age Distillery (now Buffalo Trace Distillery).
Colonel Albert Blanton worked for Ancient Age for fifty-five years, including as the president of the plant for 38 years (until 1959). His presidency survived floods, a world war, and the ill-served Prohibition. According to the company's website, "After taste-testing samples, Col. Blanton would pick an individual barrel he liked best and have it bottled. The bottles became his special select single barrel bourbons." So, to mark the 25th anniversary of the Colonel's passing, the company began to release single barrel bourbons to the public. These releases have since become resounding successes worldwide.
Distillery: Buffalo Trace
Brand: Blanton's Single Barrel
Region: Kentucky, USA
Age: unknown; I've seen guesses of 12+ years, but I think it's younger
Bottled: 8/15/2011
Barrel: 18
Warehouse: 14
Rick: 2
Bottle: 137
Alcohol by volume: 46.5%
Here's a pic of the cool bottle:
Okay, it's not specifically the bottle from which I'd sampled. But I wanted to show how lovely it all is, from the shape, to the label, to the honeyed color.
My parental in-laws purchased a bottle of Blanton's for my brother in-law, Andrew, for Christmas. Upon his arrival in Upstate New York, he opened this glass amber jewel and we tried it out.
Admittedly, my bourbon palate is not yet precisely refined. My history with the stuff has been with......how shall I put it gently......the lowest-shelf variety. Yet whiskey is whiskey and it was a pleasure to try this.
NEAT:
The color. Damn. Look at it. Gorgeous. Very dark. Somewhere between a PX-finished scotch and maple syrup.
The nose: Very boozy and hot. Somehow both floral and meaty. Then a creamy toffee dessert. And, of course, Bourbon Vanilla.
The palate: The heat! Fizzy and more of the flowers. A little perfumy, followed by bitter grapefruit.
The finish: Full of stamina. A little vegetal and quite bitter.
WITH WATER:
Oils swim through the color, but no clouding. Likely due to chill filtration.
The nose is cayenne peppery. There's some oak and the vanilla knows how to stay afloat.
The palate gets sweeter, smoother and velvety. Full of grasses and more vanilla.
The finish softens. Very cake-like.
I would drink this again. That's something I can't often say about bourbons. My mind has been opened.
Pricing - Acceptable at $45-$50 in the US (40-50GBP in the UK)
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Metaphors of the Week
Today's a day of meetings. That means I'll have to take the 405 North (and, likely, South). For the non-LA peeps out there, please see this video of yesterday's 405 traffic during rush hour:
And....
Because (sometimes) at meetings, one has to watch after the soul of one's project, I have included this Vimeo video. Writers, be the wolf. Be the wolf. Be the wolf...
Wolfmother from Adam Bilsing on Vimeo.
And....
Because (sometimes) at meetings, one has to watch after the soul of one's project, I have included this Vimeo video. Writers, be the wolf. Be the wolf. Be the wolf...
Wolfmother from Adam Bilsing on Vimeo.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Super Bowl Odds
My wife is rooting for the pituitary problems. I don't know why. I'm rooting for the partially-dressed fully-tanned people holding pom-poms and wearing white boots doing hip thrusts in the name of the team that pays them.
 |
| Second-string punters, every last one of them. |
The Vegas Odds for this battle opened as such:
NJ Pituitary Problems 55.5
MA Loyalist Nationalists -3.5
It has since dropped to:
NJ Pituitary Problems 54.5
MA Loyalist Nationalists -2.5
Surprisingly close. Were I of the betting sort (and in LV right now), I'd put some serious money on the under. The New Jerseys have a dynamite defense and the Massachusettses will probably be missing one of their top pass catchers.
Who am I to weigh in on odds?
Just some guy.
Just some guy who picked EVERY SINGLE AFC PLAYOFF GAME CORRECTLY.
Just some guy who picked every single AFC playoff game correctly and is now VERY CONCERNED ABOUT HAVING TEMPTED FATE.
Just some guy who picked every single AFC playoff game correctly and is now very concerned about having tempted fate, but shouldn't be worried because he didn't put any actual money on it and also that guy missed out on some serious whisky money from the winnings he could have had that in turn would have offset any concerns about fate.
 |
| What? |
So instead, here are the odds I'm setting about the televised game:
Commercials - Over/under on nut shots - 4.5
Commercials - Over/under on someone getting hit in the face - 6.5
Commercials - Over/under on violence to animals, children, or woman played as comedy - 2.5
Play-by-Play - O/U on mentions of Broncos' quarterback who is not playing in the Super Bowl - 3.5
Play-by-Play - O/U on mentions of Colts' quarterback who is not playing in the Super Bowl - 7.5
Play-by-Play - O/U on mentions of the Pro Bowl - 0.5
I'll take the Over, Over, Over, Over, Over, Under.
If I make it all the way through the game, I'll report back on my winnings. If not, then I'll force myself do an extra Single Malt Report as an apology.
 |
| I don't know what this is, but I approve. |
 |
| Though Eli does not. |
Monday, January 30, 2012
Single Malt Report: Strathisla 12 years old
My goodness, it's been a month since I did a report on a Speyside single malt. So it would be my great pleasure to present the Speysider known as Strathisla 12 year old Single Malt.
Here's a brief history of the oldest working distillery in the Highlands:
1786 - The distillery, then named Milltown, was founded by George Taylor and Alexander Milne. The malt that Milltown produced was named Strathisla. "Strath" is Gaelic for "shallow valley" and "Isla" is the name of the river running through that valley.
1825 - Distillery was renamed Milton, after the nearby Milton Castle, by new owners MacDonald Ingram & Co.
1830 - Another ownership change: William Longmore & Company Ltd.
1870 - Distillery renamed: Strathisla.
1876 - Fire!
1879 - Fire!
1890 - Distillery renamed: Milton (again)
1940 - Purchased by crooked financier George Pommeroy
1949 - Pommeroy convicted of tax evasion
1950 - Distillery purchased on the cheap by Chivas Brothers (then owned by Seagrams)
1951 - Distillery renamed: Strathisla (again)
1965 - Stills' capacity doubled
2001 - Via sale, Chivas (and thus Strathisla) is acquired by Pernod Ricard
2002 - Strathisla officially bottled single malts are reintroduced into the market
Since its purchase by Chivas, the vast majority of Strathisla's malt goes into the Chivas blends. In fact, it may be the main malt for those blends since its vistor center is centered around "The Ultimate Chivas Experience".
To be honest, I've yet to be wowed by a single malt from Chivas-owned distilleries, though I have yet to try Abelour's cask strength bottlings. But I always have an open mind for the amber restorative, so let's try the Strathlisa 12.
Distillery: Strathisla
Age: minimum 12 years
Maturation: Bourbon and Sherry casks
Region: Speyside (Strathisla)
Alcohol by Volume: 43%
I had a chance to try this at the Belmont Brewing Company down the road from our condo. As always, I got a decent pour for my money. (Much obliged, BBC.) This allowed me to try it both neat and then with 2 tsp of water.
NEAT
The color is like a nice golden lager with a little bit of auburn in its heart.
The nose is Macallan-Sherry-Oak-lite along with lots of maple syrup, cinnamon, and apple juice.
The palate brought the big surprise: Lucky Charms "marshmallows"! Seriously. Didn't trust the first taste, so I tried again. Yep, Lucky Charms "marshmallows". If you've had the Charms, you understand my quotation marks. The "marshmallow" experience follows a nice bit of salt up front, then a hint of frosting at the end.
Apple cider and molasses make up the medium-length finish.
WITH WATER (approx 32% ABV)
The nose goes bland a bit. Sort of like a generic Speyside sherry finish. Think Chivas Regal.
Salt has now been washed away from the palate. Mild as a blend again. The texture and flavor is creamier. A hint of toast, a smidgen of cherry.
The finish, all gone. Nothing to be found.
On a side note, the bottle is very cool: dark and rectangular with a nice etching of their distillery. Much cooler than Macallan 12's bottle. But the whisky within can't top Mac 12, in my book. BUT, it's still pretty good. A reliable drink. It won't shout nor give you bad-whisky-face. Might even be cheaper than Mac at a bar.
So I'm not going to stomp all over this one. I'm grading it on its neat performance because the good parts of the Strath 12 wash away with any water.
 |
| Source |
1786 - The distillery, then named Milltown, was founded by George Taylor and Alexander Milne. The malt that Milltown produced was named Strathisla. "Strath" is Gaelic for "shallow valley" and "Isla" is the name of the river running through that valley.
1825 - Distillery was renamed Milton, after the nearby Milton Castle, by new owners MacDonald Ingram & Co.
1830 - Another ownership change: William Longmore & Company Ltd.
1870 - Distillery renamed: Strathisla.
1876 - Fire!
1879 - Fire!
1890 - Distillery renamed: Milton (again)
1940 - Purchased by crooked financier George Pommeroy
1949 - Pommeroy convicted of tax evasion
1950 - Distillery purchased on the cheap by Chivas Brothers (then owned by Seagrams)
1951 - Distillery renamed: Strathisla (again)
1965 - Stills' capacity doubled
2001 - Via sale, Chivas (and thus Strathisla) is acquired by Pernod Ricard
2002 - Strathisla officially bottled single malts are reintroduced into the market
Since its purchase by Chivas, the vast majority of Strathisla's malt goes into the Chivas blends. In fact, it may be the main malt for those blends since its vistor center is centered around "The Ultimate Chivas Experience".
To be honest, I've yet to be wowed by a single malt from Chivas-owned distilleries, though I have yet to try Abelour's cask strength bottlings. But I always have an open mind for the amber restorative, so let's try the Strathlisa 12.
 |
| Source |
Distillery: Strathisla
Age: minimum 12 years
Maturation: Bourbon and Sherry casks
Region: Speyside (Strathisla)
Alcohol by Volume: 43%
I had a chance to try this at the Belmont Brewing Company down the road from our condo. As always, I got a decent pour for my money. (Much obliged, BBC.) This allowed me to try it both neat and then with 2 tsp of water.
NEAT
The color is like a nice golden lager with a little bit of auburn in its heart.
The nose is Macallan-Sherry-Oak-lite along with lots of maple syrup, cinnamon, and apple juice.
The palate brought the big surprise: Lucky Charms "marshmallows"! Seriously. Didn't trust the first taste, so I tried again. Yep, Lucky Charms "marshmallows". If you've had the Charms, you understand my quotation marks. The "marshmallow" experience follows a nice bit of salt up front, then a hint of frosting at the end.
Apple cider and molasses make up the medium-length finish.
WITH WATER (approx 32% ABV)
The nose goes bland a bit. Sort of like a generic Speyside sherry finish. Think Chivas Regal.
Salt has now been washed away from the palate. Mild as a blend again. The texture and flavor is creamier. A hint of toast, a smidgen of cherry.
The finish, all gone. Nothing to be found.
On a side note, the bottle is very cool: dark and rectangular with a nice etching of their distillery. Much cooler than Macallan 12's bottle. But the whisky within can't top Mac 12, in my book. BUT, it's still pretty good. A reliable drink. It won't shout nor give you bad-whisky-face. Might even be cheaper than Mac at a bar.
So I'm not going to stomp all over this one. I'm grading it on its neat performance because the good parts of the Strath 12 wash away with any water.
Pricing - Acceptable at $45
Rating - 82 (only when neat)
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