NOT Single Malt Report: Johnnie Walker Black Label

Distillery: Many!
Producer: Diaego
Brand: Johnnie Walker
Age: minimum 12 years
Blend: single malts and grain whiskies
Alcohol by Volume: 40%

Obsidian Sobriquet.  You arrived early, during my novice years.  I tired of you then, the Irish became my scene.  Then I met a young lass, named Kristen Perry, who at age 19 already knew you better than I ever did.  You fell out of her fashion, and again, you fell out of mine.  As the years passed, you crept back in, becoming my go-to at restaurants because you were more affordable than single malts and treated me significantly better than Red Label and Dewars.  But we fell out of favour again, single malts were just too attractive.

Then you appeared on the kitchen counter of my new home.  I was told that you were a gift from one of Kristen's coworkers.  But I believe that you found me on your own.  And you were free.

May I repeat:  You, whisky, were free.

I wish I knew how to quit you.

Diageo says that you are made up of 40 separate whiskies from all over Scotland.  Your recipe is a secret, but it is said that Cardhu is at your center.  And I can sense Talisker at your peripheries.  You were the favorite of Churchill and Hitchens, remarkable drinkers both.  You've gone by the name Black Label since 1909, but were released under the appellation "Old Highland" for over forty years before.

You are chillfiltered for clarity.  And your color is much too perfect, so there's likely some caramel coloring within.  You've been, at turns, too smoky, too sour, and too lazy for me.  But no more.  I recommend you to anyone looking to transition from "scotch on the rocks" to single malt whisky.

When served neat, you are picture perfect sherried dark gold.  There's sherry in your nose, as well as candied cherries, molasses, a snippet of peat, and grilled vegetables.  I rarely pick up so much in a whisky's scent, but you and I have been together for some time.  And even Kristen knows you from across the room.  Your neat palate is quite simple: molasses, wet peat, and a hint of grain.  Your finish is moderate and oceanic.

But with a bit of water you just shine.  Three small ice cubes, recommended.  Your nose pivots to mild cheeses and sweet cream.  On the palate the molasses vanishes, replaced by sherry cream and grasses.  And that water doesn't alter your finish.

An hour later, the glass smells of molasses cookie batter.

Now leave me please.  I cannot write with you here.

Pricing - Bargain! at $25, Acceptable at $35

Rating - 88

9 Things To Do With BAD Whisk(e)y

Here's the setup:

You head out to the liquor store to purchase a whiskey recommended by a friend, professional reviewer, and/or amateur blogger.  You rush home, pull out the cork (hearing that lovely blung sound) and pour it into your glass (an even better sound).  You take a sip, letting the spirit roll over your tastebuds, and ease it down slowly.  The experience causes you to exclaim aloud...

"That's disgusting."

You try it again another night, seeing if maybe you just need to get used to it, like a new pair of boots.  But on the second try, it tastes like boots.  Dirty boots.  A little sh*tkicker on the palate.

How could this be?

Taste truly is a matter of taste.  All these whisky awards and rankings by everyone everywhere every week/month/season/year are all subjective.  Portwood finish to one person may taste like berries, but like ammonia to another.  Some folks like the sweet, some folks like the peat.

Or...

The liquor shop stored the bottle, incorrectly, around too much heat and sunlight, damaging the liquor.

Or...

Your tastebuds are broken.  Meth is a hell of a drug.

In any case, the crappy whiskey situation happens to us all.  So what are your options now that you have 650mL of brown stuff that you really don't want to drink neat?

1. Hit it with some water.  Pour yourself a shot's worth into the glass, then add about a tablespoon of room temperature filtered or spring water.  Give it a swirl.  Give it a sniff.  Give it a taste.
   Pros: Water stirs up the oils within the spirit and opens up dormant aromatic compounds.  A little water can really change the nose and palate of a whiskey.
   Cons:  It's entirely possible that the aromatic compounds released by the water are those that re-awaken your gag reflex.  Also, if one tablespoon doesn't do anything for you, a second tablespoon will likely demolish the flavor all together, unless you have a strong cask strength malt.
2. Hit it with some ice.  Rather than adding water, plop two or three small ice cubes into your shot of whiskey.  Give it a wait, let it cool.  Then try.
   Pros: Cold whiskey in the summer is very refreshing.  And the ice may hide those bad flavors.
   Cons:  Ice hides almost all flavors.  It neutralizes the aromatic compounds.  So you may just have a cold waste of time in your glass.
3. Add club soda.  Please note, this is in lieu of the water and ice.  Think of all of those great classic movies where the characters are ordering a whiskey and soda.  This is it!  Now you're making your own.  Add it slowly and taste to find out how much you should use.
   Pros:  This can be even more refreshing than just the ice.  Plus it stretches out your drink.  And your burps will be lovely...
   Cons:  ...unless you have a poor Islay, wherein your mouth will taste like burning garbage two hours after you've finished drinking.  Also, you have a cold glass of bubbles and not much else.
4. Seven and Seven, or Jack and Ginger.  Glass, ice, shot of whiskey, and 7-Up (or Sprite) will give you a 7 and 7.  Originally it was Seagrams 7 and 7-Up, but I don't recommend going out of your way to buy a bottle of Seagrams 7.  Some folks like to swap out the Sprite for ginger ale.  Different flavors produce different results.
   Pros: The sugar (read: high fructose corn syrup) will smother most of the bad whiskey taste.  Plus it's a fun social drink.
   Cons:  High fructose corn syrup and factory-designed chemical flavorings on ice.  Yum?  You may just want to grab a beer from the fridge, instead.
5. Whiskey cocktails.  Manhattan, Irish Coffee, Smokey Martini, Whiskey Sour.  Google for recipes since there are dozens of variants on each.  Perfecting these is a talent on its own, but totally worth it if you find your drink.
   Pros:  If you find your drink.
   Cons: If you don't.  Plus you'll need a bunch of other ingredients.  Plus the more stuff you add to the whiskey the less of a purpose it serves.
6. Whiskey slush.  Kristen's extended family likes to bust out the Whiskey Slush during get-togethers.  Whiskey, water, sugar, orange juice concentrate topped with ginger ale (or 7-Up) -- again a matter of experimenting necessary to get this right.  Plenty of recipes to be found on these Internets.
   Pros:  It's an adult Slushie!  Great for summers.
   Cons:  Do not make this with an Islay, Island, or other peated whiskey.  If you already don't like the taste of the spirit, you will not like the resulting slush.  Also, this may cause a sugar hangover before the night is out.
7. Shots.  You knew this was coming.
   Pros: Getting fitshaced.  A quick way to rid yourself of the unwanted whiskey.
   Cons:  If it tastes rotten going down, how do you think it will taste coming back up?
8. Give it away.  Maybe there's someone you hate.  Hand them the bottle at a party.  Or maybe you really think a friend will like it better.  Hand them the bottle at a party.  Maybe there's an amateur whiskey reviewer who'll be willing to give it a try.  And he will be willing to give it a try.
   Pros:  Free whiskey!  You're such a great friend.
   Cons:  It ends your friendship.
9. Dump it down the toilet.
   Pros:  The visual representation of that terrible liquid memory will now be in the Big Distillery In The Sky.  It'll be gone and you'll have a blogpost to share about the experience.
   Cons:  Bye bye, Mr. Whiskey.  *Flush*

I've had three bottles that had to be Number 9'ed.  Kristen had to do it, I just couldn't bring myself to dispose of it.  What a good wife.  

Alas, no crying over flushed whiskey.  There's plenty of great stuff out there.  If you're going to drink, then drink what tastes good.  Save the misery for tequila.

Single Malt Report: The Singleton of Glendullan

Distillery: Glendullan
Age: 12 years
Maturation: bourbon and sherry casks
Region: Speyside
Alcohol by Volume: 40%

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From maltmadness.com:

...during the late 1980's and early half of the 90's blends still accounted for circa 97% of whisky sales. It was only in the second half of the 1990's that the single malts category really took off. Distilleries like Glendullan and Dufftown remained mostly focused on blends for a few more years, but around the year 2007 Diageo finally reintroduced them to the market as single malts - together with Glen Ord. They all had been marketed as single malts at some point, but in recent years only Glen Ord was widely available. Oddly enough, the malt whisky from these three distilleries is now marketed under one single brand; the Singleton. In other words, whisky lovers on different continents can enjoy very different whiskies under the 'Singleton' name these days.

So, there's an international component to this Singleton story... Consumers in the USA get a Glendullan 12yo when they order a Singleton ... whisky drinkers in Europe receive a Dufftown 12yo ... and in Asia they get Glen Ord 12yo.

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I'm very thankful for this explanation from the awesome folks at Malt Madness because I've been totally mystified by the "The Singleton" name, always in big letters on the bottle.  Didn't know why it just wasn't called Glendullan 12yr.  It got more confusing as I started seeing reviews for other Singletons.  And then there was another distillery in the 1990's that also called their single malt Singleton.  But I'll be talking about The Singleton of Glendullan, which is the brand available in The States.

Two years ago, I was returning from a very exciting/nerve-wracking/pivotal moment in my writing career.  I wanted to celebrate.  So I went to the great liquor store across the street from our old apartment.  I was going to buy a bottle of whisky.

Beverly Hills Wine & Liquor has a tremendous selection of whiskies, but since they cater to considerably more upscale clientele, I've always found their prices to be a bit steep.  So none of my good go-to bottles looked promising due to the price tags.  The manager was sitting behind the counter watching me search the whisky wall.  The following happened:

Manager: You like Macallan 12?

Me: I do.

Manager: You should try this. The Singleton. It's made by the same people who make Macallan.

Before I can respond, he takes out a 50mL bottle of The Singleton, opens it and hands it to me.

Manager: Here, try.

I look around.

Me: Is that okay?

Manager: Don't worry, this is my place.

So I drank it right there in the liquor store.  A BRILLIANT bit of sales.  Drinking anything in public makes it taste better.  Plus it was free whisky!  Sacrificing that $6 mini, he got me to buy the $45 bottle.

Now, time for some reality.

Had I known what I was doing, I could have gotten that same bottle from BevMo for $29.99.  And Macallan does not make The Singleton.  Nor does Macallan's owner The Edrington Group produce The Singleton.  Nor does The Singleton taste anything like Macallan.  They both may reside in Speyside, but so does about 75% of the Scotch market's operating distilleries.

Let's get to the stuff itself.  It comes in a great old fashioned bottle, tall and flat, like a big glass flask.  The glass is tinted, which helps protect the product from sunlight, but also prevents one from seeing its actual color.  And, man, I drank that Singleton like it was water.  I couldn't really tell if it was of quality, but it was very drinkable.

Very recently I purchased one of those mini 50mL bottles to try on the whisky again.  I drank it neat, since it was only 40% ABV and, frankly, a little light on flavor.  And even served neat, there wasn't much to report on.

Its color is honey.  The nose has sherry up front, then cream, salt, brown sugar, and something meaty.  The texture was thick.  The palate had some salt, light sherry, and light cream.  The finish was brief with a little more salt.

The nose is more interesting than the taste.  The drinking experience is very very smooth, but with that smoothness, low ABV, and youth it sacrifices any sort of stamina in the finish.

I've read a bunch of reviews of The Singleton of Glendullan and two things stick out:

1.) It reminds folks so much of Glenfiddich 12 that they wouldn't be able to tell the difference in a blind taste test.

2.) It makes for a good bridge whisky for blend drinkers that want to transition to single malts.  

I am at odds with both of these.

1.) Glenfiddich 12 is considerably better in the palate and finish.  Not only that, it's $10-15 cheaper.

2.) If I was blind taste tested, I would think The Singleton tastes like a (cheaper) blend.  All of the Johnnie Walkers (aside from Red Label) have more to them than this malt.  Glenfiddich 12 is a much better bridge - reliable and affordable, always full of character.

This isn't a bad whisky, nor am I bitter for paying $45 for it.  But......

I am bitter for paying $45 for it.

Pricing - Acceptable at $30, Foolish at $45

Rating - 72

The Mold Room becomes The Office

HOW THIS:

BECAME THIS:

First there was the removal of the popcorn ceiling.  That required soaking, scraping, sanding, priming, and painting.  It looked like this:

And this:

Then there was the wallpaper removal, which turned out to be considerably more challenging than we had expected.  First we scored the crummy painted-over-NUMEROUS-times wallpaper with a little device that shrieked like metal nails on a chalkboard.  Then we scrubbed the wall down with a toxic wallpaper removal fluid -- its effectiveness debatable.  Then we peeled the wallpaper off.  Then we scrubbed the wall again with the remover.  Then we scraped off the wallpaper adhesive.  Then Kristen hit the considerable mold growths with a bleach tincture.  Twice.

This is what success looked like:

Here's an example of the brilliance we have to deal with:

The previous owner had painstakingly wrapped the INSIDE of the vent cover in wallpaper.  With the outside of the cover encrusted in multiple poor paint jobs and the inside smothered in this homely blind-grandmother-from-the-1950s schlock, it went in the garbage.  I can't wait to see what awaits us when we remove our home's other vents.

Kristen hit the ceiling with primer and Ceiling White.  Then we pondered paint shades for some time, settling on Misty Lake from Olympic.  Then she deftly applied primer and two full coats to the walls, staying up past 1:30am on a weeknight.  Here are some action shots:

While she was doing this, I was making dinner:

Teamwork!  Wherein "Michael painting" ∉ "Teamwork".  Math joke.

One more time:

This room's transformation from mildewed disaster to cozy living space has gone a long way towards making our condo feel like a home.  Thank you, Kristen!

Friday Mornin'

It's officially Fall here in Long Beach.  A great batch of rain dropped last night causing temperatures to dip into the 50s.  The intense Autumn light pouring in through our glass doors lights up almost the entire home.

The office transformation over the past few days has been tremendous.  I'm very proud of the job Kristen did on all of the painting.  We would like to put up a full post (w/ pics!) about it this weekend.

The next chapter of the George Herman Hitchcock project is going to at least another week.  There are a lot of films to watch in the next period and at least two of them are of interest.

Until then, here's a squirrel in a tutu:

NOT Single Malt Report: Redbreast 12yr Single Pot Still Irish Whiskey

Label: Redbreast
Style: Single Pot Still
Age: 12 years
Maturation: Oloroso sherry casks
Country: Ireland
Alcohol by Volume: 40%

Irish whiskey, with an 'e', is distilled three times.  Scotch whisky, without the 'e', is distilled twice (except for a few bottlings).  The additional distillations smooth out the flavor and texture considerably which is why many folks take to Jamesons faster than to Johnnie Walker.  Until very recently, the malts used for Irish whiskies were never peated, thus they never had the salty smokiness of most Scotches.

The Irish whiskies you see in stores are blends: Jamesons, Powers, Bushmills, Tullamore Dew, Paddy, Michael Collins, etc.  If no age is listed then they're usually aged around three years and are a mix of malts and grains.

With the demand for Scotch swelling all over the international market, the Irish whiskey producers have risen to catch up and compete.  Irish single malts are easing onto the scene.  Accessibly to aged blends, 10 years and up, from all the labels is increasing.

Then there is Single (or Pure) Pot Still whiskey, a style and process unique to Ireland.  Irish blends are a mix of malts from pot stills and grains from column stills.  Single pot still whiskey doesn't include the column still grain spirits, but just the malted and unmalted barley spirits from pot stills.  Because it's a mix of malts, it can't be officially labelled "Single Malt", so it was given the "Single Pot Still" designation to keep it unique.

The pot still process was how Irish whiskey had been made for over 200 years before the column stills came along and allowed for mass production.  This old school pot still process is a little more expensive, a little more time consuming, but produces a devine product.  Here's a link to more specifics in case I have totally confused you.

Redbreast was one of the only pot still brands to survive throughout the years.  Only very recently have their products made it to the States.  They have a 12yr, 12yr cask strength (not in US yet), and a 15yr.

I bought a bottle of the 12 year for my birthday having never tried a sip.  It wasn't that much of a gamble because, despite all of these single malt reports, I have consumed more Whiskey than Whisky in this life.  And I've never had an Irish whiskey that I didn't like.

The bottle went very quickly.  I almost forgot to do a proper tasting...

The color is a mix of golds, pale through deep.  Lighter at the bottom of the glass, darker at the top.  The nose is full of musty molasses, sometimes peach, sometimes apple, and something ocean coastal.  A creamy texture.  And the flavor.  Delicious.  I'll try to be more specific: clean, fresh, oak, and vanilla.  And the finish is smooth vanilla with stamina.

This is one of the greatest things that has ever sat in my glass.  I've never hit it with water or ice because there's something already balanced and beautiful about it.

If you're a newbie to Irish whiskey, I'd recommend giving a couple of the blends a try first -- Jamesons, Powers, Paddy, Tullamore Dew -- to see if they're your cup of spirit.  They're available everywhere and are half the price of the aged blends, single malts, or pot stills.  If you like them, then you will love this.  And if you don't love this, please feel free to send me the rest of your bottle.

Pricing - Bargain! at $35-$45
Rating - 94  (Also, see more detailed tasting notes here.) [Ed. note: This score seems very high, even considering my Irish whiskey bias. I'll be reviewing it again in 2017 just to make sure.]

Mini-updates on movies, music, and home

This post will be much less organized than the previous one since my mind is scattered from many hours of working on stories.  So here's a list:

1.  MOVIES

Here's a full gear-shift from the previous post.  A video!

When Hitchcock's producers gave him the greenlight to turn Blackmail into a sound film, he had to figure out what to do with the accented voice of his Hungarian leading lady, Anny Ondra.  He ultimately decided to keep Anny as the lead, but have her lip-synch the dialogue while an English actress, Joan Barry, read the lines in the mic just off-camera.

Before he decided to do this, he ran some sound tests with adorable Anny.  Somehow this footage survived!

Watch Hitch drop an incredible old-school version of a That's What She Said joke:

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2.  MUSIC

There's been an sudden influx of album re-releases:

Smile (The Beach Boys) - Arguably the most famous unfinished album in Pop music history dropped into the market yesterday, 44 years late, in at least four different packages -- 1 CD, 2 CD, 2 LP, and a $140 special edition.  This had been intended to be the followup to "Pet Sounds", a further revolutionizing of sound recording and songwriting.  But due to label issues, creative disagreement, and Brian Wilson's fragile state, the album was shelved before it was finished.  This pushed Wilson further into a mental illness that was later revealed to be schizophrenia.

"Smile" had been making its rounds via bootlegs for thirty-odd years.  Brian had also recorded it without the band back in 2004.  But this new set was completed with the original recordings and approval by the rest of the group.

No more songs about surfing, instead an avant-garde "teenage symphony to God."  That's going on my Wish List.

Quadrophenia (The Who) - For those who don't know me, I like The Who...to an irrational degree.  And this is my favorite studio album of theirs, and possibly anyone's, ever.  It's the Catcher in the Rye of Rock n' Roll.  It's both messier and more mature than "Tommy".  It's full of crazy love, crazy hate, and tremendous teen angst.  And like Catcher it takes on different colors and meanings as the audience gets older.  Eighteen years ago, I named my first real short story after one of the songs.  Today, I get the exact opposite meaning from that song, "The Punk And The Godfather."

I already have two previous releases of this album, so I'm going to avoid the massive release on November 15th.  There will be a double-CD (organized in a bizarre manner in order to fit in some demo recordings), a multiple-LP, a loaded iTunes LP, and a $130 special edition (with 4 CDs, the 1979 film, a hard cover book, and other Who-phernalia).

Achtung Baby (U2) - U2 rereleased THEIR BEST ALBUM (yes, their best album) yesterday for its 20th anniversary.  And yesterday, a cute little package arrived for me containing this very thing.

It was this 1991 album that got me hooked on these Irish fellas.  They had gained massive fame and fortune from the Unforgettable Fire to Joshua Tree to Rattle & Hum period, but had found themselves at a creative dead end.  So they ditched their world famous style and built their sound back up from scratch.  Gone are the politics and peaceful ruminations.  Here are seething broken hearts, the terror of unrequited longing, and spiritual disillusionment.  It's their best music and (by a considerable distance) their best writing.

The anniversary release came in FIVE parts: 1 CD, 2 CDs, a vinyl set ($140), super deluxe set ($125), and an Uber deluxe set ($435).

Okay...

Grrr...

I can't keep the rant holed up anymore.

I F***ing hate these $100+ releases!  It's an insult and punishment to the fans who cannot (legally) access the songs they want to hear without shilling out an incongruous amount of cash for RECORDED SOUND.  It's an execrable bourgeois show-off jerkoff golden-calf-wanking malignant affront and completely inappropriate in this economic climate.

It's conspicuous consumption.  It's not music.

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3.  Abrupt subject change!

HOME

Kristen and I have been working on the second bedroom.  The Mold Room.  The Office To Be.

We've soaked the walls, removed the wallpaper, removed the wallpaper glue, bleached the mold, removed vents and weird wall things, and are now prepping to paint the walls and ceiling.

It's taken longer than we'd anticipated, but the work has been calmer than last month's Ceiling Spectacular had been.  Plus we've been able to work side-by-side which makes it feel more like teamwork.

The office may be ready by this weekend.  And that is great.  We'll have some before, during, and after pics once it's good to go.

A good Wednesday to you all!