Unimaginable Pleasure

Xanté

A thorough dig through the 99 cent mini liquor bottle bin at a strip mall in Palm Springs is bound to result in a discovery of historical interest.  Sure, one can find a cotton candy flavored Finnish vodka or a forgotten bottle of Early Times.  But dig deeper through that plastic barrel and you may find

Xanté

Yes, Xanté.  I found a bottle of Xanté.  What Xanté was, I had no idea.  It sounded Mayan, was bottled in Sweden, and had no other description on the label.  I couldn't resist.  Should I have?

Upon my return to our Palm Springs hotel room, I immediately looked Xanté up online.  My search brought me to the official site.

The site greets its visitors with pictures of supposed supermodels and a font reminiscent of Vegas strip club signs.  And its slogan?

Unimaginable Pleasure.

What the hell does that even mean?  What are they selling?  Heroin and vibrators?  

Hi, Blue Text.  You want to take it from here?

"Unimaginable" is a word used in the promotion of horror films.  Unimaginable Terror!  It's a meaningless word with a foreboding connotation.  It sounds like there was a copywriter who didn't know anything about the about the product and had to send something in at the deadline.

Agreed.  More information was required.  The menu at the top of the site offered options such as "The Product", "News Archive", "Contact", and......

"Feel The Brand".

Feel The Brand?  Is that for folks with sensory disorders?  You know, the people who can smell purple and taste the number 5?

Other more intelligible page titles would be "Our History", "Our Legacy", or "The Brand".  We CAN'T FEEL THE BRAND unless someone burned their initials into your ass and you want us to finger the scars.

So I clicked Feel The Brand.

May I present you with the actual Feel The Brand copy, along with some structured analysis:

Xanté

The late 19th century was a time of political turbulence in Europe.

Wooooooooo, a story!

As a consequence of the Franco-Prussian War, the district of Alsace came under German rule but many of the locals disagreed with the new order.

Um, is this leading to Xanté or to Hitler?

Among them was future liqueur manufacturer Jean Heinrich, member of an Alsatian family of ancient lineage. He conducted a bold escape to Namur, Belgium, where he was granted shelter at a Benedictine Monastery.

Like Bruce Wayne?

The monks confided Heinrich with a collection of ancient, all-natural liqueur recipes that would become the foundation of the legendary Maison Heinrich Liquoristerie Artisanale.

Wait, why would they do that?  “Hi, we just met you. Here are all of our delicious ancient monk-y secrets!”  Or......did he steal the recipes and raze the monastery?  Heinrich, you bastard!

Heinrich successfully commenced production, but decided to keep the single most superior recipe a family secret.

What kind of crap is that?  Did the monks not teach you anything about sharing?!  Or did you cock-up the recipe and need to hide the fact?   You, sir, are no Bruce Wayne.

It was solemnly passed on from generation to generation and perfected through accumulated knowledge, tradition and refined production techniques.

“Refined”?  “Perfected”?  You did screw it up.

And “accumulated knowledge”?  I thought Herr Heinrich had the original recipe.  Might want to get the lie straight before you start telling it.

And today – after four generations of blending excellence, the world is finally deemed ready for the Unimaginable Pleasures of Xanté.

The world is “finally deemed ready”?  Isn't that what the Bond villain says before he releases the supervirus?

Allow us to introduce Xanté – the intimate result of a ménage à trois

!!!

between the finest French cognacs, the affection

Where is this going?

of French Limousine Oak with its touch of vanilla, the perfect penetration of pear,

What?

and the slow tender mating process which seals the great conception

Holy sh*t.

delivering a flavour and taste beyond all known experience. It is like a giant step forward, a transformational boost to the Golden Age of Women.

You lost me.

Like succes

Success has two Ss.

and prosperity.

What’s like succesS and prosperity?  I’m assuming you mean the “transformational boost to the Golden Age of Women”.  Are you just putting words next to each other and assuming they form a sentence?

Like men that women want them to be: gentle, soft, caring, romantic, smart, well built and willing to please.

I believe this is a tangent.

We call it pure oral pleasure

Holy sh*t.

from the country of Europe–

Europe is a continent.

Imported

From the country of Europe, clearly.

Unimaginable Pleasure.

From the perfect penetration of pear, I presume?

Xanté

I don't know about you, but between the pear-fisting and oral service from Benedictine monks, I'm sold.  Why don't you give it a sip there, boss.

Will do.  There's no way it couldn't live up to that copy.

I served up the 50mL neatly into my Glencairn whisky glass to make sure I would receive the full brunt of unimaginable pleasure.  I put on some erotic avante garde cinema, then laid back and gave it taste.

...

...

Um.

The color is a dark sensual gold, highlighted with flames of Cheetos orange.

The nose.  Whump!  That sexy sound is the warm plastic bottle peach schnapps and five-dollar triple sec punching your gag reflex.  Intimately, of course.  Nectarine and melon canoodle with fake nectarine and fake melon.  Tropical Fruit Skittles melted and dripped over cheap perfume.

The palate matches the nose.  All peach schnapps and triple sec.  And something else.  Maybe overripe juicy plums?  Or per my wife's observation: industrial chemicals and paint fumes.

The finish is so sweet that you'll beg for those paint fumes to kill the brain cells holding the memory of the drinking experience.

I dumped half of it down the sink and apologized to my whisky glass.

Should we be surprised that a company named Xante makes printer toner cartridges?

Dear god, then what did I drink?

It's unimaginable.

And what would you possibly mix with this?

You'd wind up ruining a perfectly sh*tty bottle of Riunite.

The country of Europe deserves better.

Live from the Plaza Redondo sidewalk sale

Pimpin' goods. Used running sneakers sold quicker than books. In fact there were more offers on the table itself than the books.  Should put up a 'Bookz 4 Cheep' sign.

A Job Interview and a Smoothie

Had my first job interview in 9 years yesterday.  I must say, I have the utmost respect for the folks out there going to dozens of interviews trying to hunt down a job.  My interviewers (a panel of three) didn't have much in the way of specific questions and I felt like I had to be the energy behind the interview.  They also looked like they didn't particularly want to be there.  It may have been early, but couldn't they have even attempted to return a smile?

It was all very odd and empty, but necessary, I guess.  I'm all for new experiences and I should probably get better at interviews.  My bizarro work background isn't going to bowl anyone over, so I must seduce my future employers with my plentiful charm via braiding my nose hairs.

Around 8:30 in the morning, on the way to the interview, I crossed over the LA River into Wilmington.  As the bridge sloped down, I felt as if I was descending into a contemporary version Dante Alighieri's dreams.  Dark gloom, gloms of smoke belched into the air, oil refineries, rusting abandoned train cars, and barbed-wire-surrounded dumps.

I thought about the elusiveness of peace, joy, and spiritual contentment.  The perfect mental state to start an interview.  When I got home later, I saw this video sitting in my YouTube "Likes" list.  Thought it was appropriate.

On the other hand, California is in prime fruit season.  All the stone fruits are delicious right now, especially the peaches.  The berries are still scrumptious too.  So we have a ton of fruit in our home.

Being a Smoothie Man (but only post-workout), I had the revolutionary idea to use only fresh fruit in this morning's protein smoothie.  A peach, overripe raspberries and strawberries, raspberry yogurt, a splash of soy milk, vanilla whey protein, ice, and a drizzle of honey.

It was grand.  Possibly my best protein smoothie ever.  I'll let this cat describe it further.

Happy Friday!

NOT Single Malt Report: North of Scotland 43yr 1964 Scott's Selection Single Grain Whisky

Yes, I have reviewed this one before.  But I am reporting on it a second time because:

1.  It's a 43 year old whisky, damn it!  I'll likely never drink anything older.
2.  The price was right.
3.  And if those weren't good enough reasons, here's a better one.  THIS time I was not drunk when I took the notes.

Distillery: North of Scotland
Bottler: Scott's Selection
Age: 43 years (1964 - 2007)
Maturation: Bourbon cask
Region: Highlands (Southern)
Alcohol by Volume: 45.7%


THE DISTILLERY

North of Scotland was first named Strathmore Distillery when it was built in 1957 by George Christie (the owner of Speyside Distillery).  It changed its name to North of Scotland in 1964, which is ironic since it's at the very southern tip of the Highlands.  It was originally intended for single malt production via Coffey stills, but switched to the cheaper grain whisky in 1960.  At that time it was the smallest grain whisky distillery in the land with a capacity around 3 million liters.  It was closed in 1980, sold to DCL (neo-Diageo) in 1982, and then dismantled in 1993.  And, apparently, it used to be haunted by a former brewer.

THE BOTTLER

As per Scott's Selection's website, Robert Scott had been employed by George Christie and the Speyside Distillery as a Master Distiller for a number of years.  After his retirement, Scott formed this independent bottling company (which seems to be based in The Netherlands).  Happily, he was able to use his connections to grab some casks of unusual stuff, including at least three casks of North of Scotland grain whisky.

THE DRINKING SITUATION

Gallagher's (in Long Beach) has had a bottle of this since Kristen and I moved to town.  And they were selling a glass of this 43-year-old whisky for $8......don't think about how crazy that is.  Think about how awesome that is.  For $8:  Dewars 12 or North of Scotland 43?  Yeah, I thought so.  (FYI, Seven Grand downtown has this at $48 a glass.)

The bartender poured me the last of the bottle on June 13th; a very generous pour I must say.  I got a good look at the bottle this time.  Scribbled in black marker on the back of the bottle was: $20.00.  Did someone get it at an auction for $20?  Or was the bar supposed to be selling it for $20?  No one knew.

Thus I enjoyed my 2 to 3 ounce pour of Lyndon Baines Johnson-era whisky for less than a dram of Black Label.  Mark that up as a good evening.

THE WHISKY NOTES

I only tried this neat out of respect of this great situation.  So...

NEAT:
Color -- light maple syrup
Nose -- TONS (or would that be cords?) of oak, very candied, honey-roasted, wheaty & corny, bananas
Palate -- woody (as in licking a tree), Mentos candies, cherries, sweet wine, banana pudding meets baklava but not in a good way, corn syrup
Finish -- "Woah, hella sweet", cinnamoncornsyrupbrownsugar assault with some bitterness in the background

You may notice my notes here are different the previous report on the same whisky.  That's because, as mentioned above, my senses were not compromised.

It's not as bourbony as I'd previously thought.  It was quite sweet though, but an old tired sweet, as if the whisky was like, "It's been forty-eight years, someone just finish me off already."  The corn sweetness leads me to think that maize was the main grain in the mash.  That particular flavor isn't my cup of tea, though it does often show up in American hooch.  Despite all of that, it was my honored pleasure to put this whisky to sleep.

Availability - You'll have to do some searchin'
Pricing - Good at $200, considering that it's almost as old as Jamie Moyer
Rating - 77

NOT Single Malt Report: Compass Box Hedonism Blended Grain Whisky

Last Tuesday I posted a report on the first of three single grain whiskys -- Cambus 18yr 1991 -- sampled on a March 10th Taste Off.  It was better than I had expected and gained a bit of character when water was added.  The following Thursday, I reported on a North British 20yr 1991 single cask single grain whisky which completely transformed into a fascinating whisky with the added water.  Today, I'll take a look at the last whisky of this grain Taste Off.

Company: Compass Box
Bottling: Hedonism
Type: Blended Grain

Distilleries: Different combinations of Cameron Bridge, Carsebridge, Cambus, Port Dundas and/or Dumbarton (depending on batch number)

Maturation: first-fill ex-bourbon American Oak

Age: 14 to 29 years old

Alcohol by Volume: 43%

Hedonism (great name!) is a blended grain whisky.  This means that it's a blend of ONLY single grain whiskies.  And in that approach, it's almost alone on the market.  The only other blended grain that I know of is The Snow Grouse, and the best thing I've heard about that one is it's best left for mixing.  Hedonism on the other hand has gotten considerably more positive attention.

Its creator is Compass Box, a small independent blending company led by John Glaser.  Before starting Compass Box, Glaser worked in the wine industry and then later spent a number of years in marketing for the big Johnnie Walker brand.  He left that job to turn his hobby of blending whiskies at home into a business.  And over the last dozen years he's become the face of the new school rule-challenging independent blenders.  Compass Box has released blended whiskies, blended malts, and this blended grain.  Per an interview with David Driscoll, Glaser said that he'd always been a grain whisky enthusiast and that great things could be done with high quality single grains.  In that, he found a place where the market was wide open.

I'm excited to try any and all of the Compass Box products; I'll probably buy the Great King Street blend blind before the year is out.  But this one, Hedonism, was so different that it was hard not be intrigued.  So I picked up a dram of it from Master of Malt and added it to this Taste Off.  (Note: It's different than the two whiskys from last week in that it's not a single and not cask strength.)

There are also many different batches of Hedonism with slightly different combos as Compass Box produces it in small quantities, annually.  I'm pretty sure this is from last year's batch, but I'm not 100% certain.

TASTING NOTES

NEAT --
In the glass, the color is a dark chardonnay.  The nose is lovely.  It's fresh, bright, full of vanilla bean.  It's a plate of ice cream profiteroles.  The texture is creamy and very smooth.  The palate starts on bananas and brown sugar, then something lightly fruity slips in.  A note between citrus and cherries.  It has a finish of moderate length, full of brown sugar.

WITH WATER (approx 37.9% ABV) --
Water brings out the bourbon notes.  The nose is mostly vanilla and a rye-less mid-aged bourbon.  The palate is also big on the bourbon and oakier with a tropical fruit note.  The finish is mild yet pleasantly sweet.

COMMENTS

This is one dangerously drinkable whisky.  It's very mellow and easygoing, but not lazy in flavor.  I think its character holds up best without water, as Compass Box found the right ABV point at 43%.  While the two grain whiskies reported on last week had more exciting elements pop up, Hedonism was the most consistent and enjoyable sample in the Taste Off.

If I were to purchase a grain whisky, this would be the one.  The pricing -- while appearing to be on the steep side -- takes into consideration the old whisky ingredients (up to 29 years) as well as Compass Box's independent set up.  The other good news: it's available in the United States.

Availability - Some US spirits specialists

Pricing - alone on the market, so it sets the pace at $90-$100

Rating - 83

Tomorrow, a bonus single grain report!

Post #300: My career and I part ways

A year ago, I quit my very stable production accountant occupation to focus on screenwriting full time.  Things were looking brighter than usual on my projects; a career opportunity seemed be materializing through the haze.  Kristen and I agreed that this would be the best time for me to set aside my job to invest myself in the craft I'd been honing for fifteen years.

Two weeks ago, I ended my working relationship with my managers.  I'd been with them for three years and this severance was a mutual decision.  We had different reasons behind the decision -- their company was bought out by a larger production company which brought them different responsibilities -- but we agreed this was the best course of action.  I have a lot of respect for those guys and I personally liked the producers I've worked with.  And to be honest, I fouled some of this up myself.  Inconsistent scheduling, fear, wobbly confidence, and frustration prevented me from putting more words on the page.

So, what I write in this post is about the career, not the good people I've worked with.

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Cinema has been one of my true loves for the last fifteen years.  It's been an immersion.  I lost track of how many films I'd seen, a long time ago.  It was well over the two thousand count before Netflix came along.  My two years of film school were probably the best years of my life.

Though I was a poem and short story writer before I was bitten by the film writing bug, the poison from the script bite ran deep.  It surged through my veins, reached my heart, then spread into my brain.  It was like heroin at the start.  I wrote feature-length scripts with lunatic passion, ditching sleep in order to power out draft after draft.

The energy slowed after a few years.  My projects were more carefully chosen; I wanted to sell something.  Yet, ironically, my scripts became more independent and less commercial.  Some garnered raves and attention and pitches with producers, but nothing stuck enough to begin a professional career.

I tried to set it aside and work at a 9 to 5 job, but for those few years I felt the lack.  So I got back into it.  Almost four years ago, I started on a fresh new project.  That script got the attention I'd been waiting for for so long.  It brought my managers to me.  Meetings followed.  My professional screenwriting career officially began.

And now it's likely over.  I'm attempting to work on a project or two with friends, something small, but have found that the fruitlessness and disappointment from the last three years have overwhelmed my creative energy.  I've stopped enjoying writing.

I always foresaw the potential of that happening, but I had hoped that at least I'd be paid for my efforts.  Compromise and rejection are always part of the job, but my struggle and failure happened for free.  I'm a bit older now, a bit angrier, less of a masochist than that pudgy Afro-y film school kid; so I have no issues with trying to sell my craft.  Compliments are all well and good, but they won't pay for groceries.  Nevertheless, 99% of my creative efforts over the last fifteen years have been without compensation.

So if I'm going to write for free, I'm going to do it my way.

And, aside from a possible small project or two, it won't be for any sort of motion picture.

The Movies and I have gone on to separate paths.  For years, everyone I've known has seen more contemporary films than I.  It has gotten to the point that even most of the indy flicks are regurgitating stories and themes in ways that break no new ground.  Occasionally there'll be a Tree of Life or Enter the Void, but most of the time it's a lot of Battleship and Madea (not the Greek one).  And now that I've been (briefly) a short order cook in the kitchen, now that I've seen what dishes are going to be served tomorrow, I'm not dining here anymore.  If I'm drawn to anything cinematic, it's old Avant Garde:  Man Ray, Cocteau, and Vertov tinkering with a new power.  Maybe, later on, some Brackage.

The structures I've been obeying no longer interest me.

I miss words.  I miss stretching out.  I miss the joy.

And I have to get a job now.  I've blown through much of my savings -- on living necessities, not whisky -- and my household requires more income.  So, I've joined up with a pair of employment agencies to see what I can get on the Finance front.

I'm separating myself from film a bit.  I'm selling off a chunk of my DVD collection today and I've cancelled all of my online film-related subscriptions.  Where I can increase the distance, I will, without regret.

People still read things, with or without hyperlinks.  There's a place for my skill set somewhere, but it's not going to be a segment of someone else's grand plan.

At night, in the quiet, I often think about the hardest part of all.  How can I keep from regretting my rare moment of optimism one year ago?

Sad and Happy Single Malt Ramblings on a Monday

Relatively confident in an LA source for future bottles, I opened my Wild Turkey 101 Rye this weekend.  It is good.  And it is fantastic in a Sazerac, a rare whisk(e)y cocktail that I actually enjoy.  Take a gander at this video by Chris McMillian for a great Sazerac How-To.

The Ardbeg Ten bottle was retired, thus opening a spot in the Whisky Closet for the WT101.  Hope to do a report on this hard-to-find Turkey next month.

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Bruichladdich distillery, the face of creative and experimental independent whisky making, has announced that they are selling to drinks giant Remy Cointreau.

Questions remain.  What will happen to their grand mad scientist Master Blender Jim McEwan?  Are the rumors of his retirement true?  Will an access to more resources allow for a price drop in their products?  Or will their already steep prices swell further?

Jim McEwan and the distillery's independence were not only responsible for the products' quality, but are also the two major selling points for Bruichladdich itself.  Lose those them and what are we (and Remy Cointreau) left with?

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SKU posted a dynamite Recent Eats piece entitled "The Golden Age of Whiskey is Over" last week.  It's right on; he's more realist than cynic in tone and message.  The comments that followed were fascinating as bloggers, craft distillers, and retailers weighed in.

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Finally for a smile, there's a video (below).

First, some context.  Ralfy, the man with the hat, is the king of whisky vlogs.  Boisterous, funny, and candid, he's the owner of a well-earned set of opinions (and a set of whiskys).  The quiet Frenchman on the left is the king, period.  Serge.  Serge started blogging whisky reviews TEN years ago.  His site whiskyfun.comnow has over 8000 reviews.  Not a single one of those reviews were quickly tossed off, instead each shows considerable consideration.  Besides having sensory superpowers, Serge has a great sense of humor and is always quick to make fun of himself.

Serge rarely does written interviews, and when he does he's always humble.  Yet this here......this has to be a first.  He does a video interview!  There's a voice attached to the man!

For me, as a whisky nerd, this won the Internet last week.