Here is a lightly fictionalized account of my first spin class, interpreted in the style of Twitter:
@kravitz_hubris Minute 1. This song the instructor’s playing
is great!
@kravitz_hubris Minute 3. This is kinda hard.
@kravitz_hubris Minute 5. My legs have stiffened completely
but the 2 pedals create a perpetual motion machine so I can’t stop!
@kravitz_hubris Minute 7. I have sweat through my towel.
@kravitz_hubris Minute 10. I have sweat through my second
towel.
@kravitz_hubris Minute 15. Is my heart supposed to hurt?
@kravitz_hubris Minute 20. Guh. Calf muscles. Trying to pull
away from body.
@kravitz_hubris Minute 25. Pain. Pain. Pain. Pain.
@kravitz_hubris Minute 26. I’m supposed to be OFF my seat?
@kravitz_hubris Minute 32. Someone here has sh*t their pants but has continued pedaling.
@kravitz_hubris Minute 33. That person is me.
@kravitz_hubris Minute 37. Instructor has put on a song that
never ever ever f*cking ends.
@kravitz_hubris Minute 42. The song is still going. Does
sweat hide tears?
@kravitz_hubris Minute 47. It’s still going. I look up at
the instructor for a sign. She’s the demon from Jacob’s Ladder.
@kravitz_hubris Minute 51. The world. So dark.
@kravitz_hubris Minute 52. So this is how I’m going to die. Not during the best shtup of my life...
@kravitz_hubris Minute 53. ...nor while trying to finish a 20x20 @ In 'n Out nor taking a bullet for the Dalai Lama…
@kravitz_hubris Minute 54. …no, I had to die during beginners
spin class @7:30am on a Tuesday morning. Congratulations, a**hole.
@kravitz_hubris Minute 60. Two nice grandmas help me off my
bike. Then they scurry away cuz I smell like a fertilizer truck collided w/ the
rotten meat van.
@kravitz_hubris Minute 62. Cold floor nice on cheek. mmmmmm
@kravitz_hubris Minute 77. Fitness club had to call wife to
pick me up. Wife pretended to not know me.
@kravitz_hubris Minute 83. I sleep now. Back to the
elliptical machine tomorrow. :)
