NOT Single Malt Report: Lauder's Blended Scotch Whisky

I know that you've checked out those lower lower lower shelf whiskys when no one's looking --  Dunlivet, Scoresby, Clan MacGregor -- thinking, "How bad can whisky in a big green plastic bottle be?"  But you never manned-up because you value your life.

I, on the other hand......well, one thirsty afternoon I spotted a mini of a particular scotch blend for ONE DOLLAR AND FORTY-NINE CENTS.  Like I'm not going to buy that.

So when you look at the bottom whisky shelf and wonder, "What can I buy for $10???"...... Here's an answer.

Lauder's!

Swanky-looking UK bottle

US Ad Sheet

Brand: Lauder's

Ownership: Sazerac Company (formerly Barton Imports)

Distilleries: ???

Type: Scotch Blended Whisky

Age: 36 months

Alcohol by Volume: 40%

I've combed the Internet and searched through all of my books, but I can't say I've found much on Lauder's or Barton Imports.  Sazerac Co. bought Barton's a few years back and seems to specialize in plastic-bottled booze.  See their product lineup here.

The Lauder's bottle brags about the following:
"Highest Awards, Gold Medal, Paris 1878"
"Gold Medal, Chicago 1893"
"Gold Medal, Edinburgh 1886"

Note that's 1878, 1886, and 1893.  Most of the distilleries from that era are no longer in existence, thus the current blend recipe likely doesn't resemble the one from 134 years ago.  Also the malt content in inexpensive blends is likely at an all-time low.

BUT just because they have a completely different blend now, bottled in green plastic, selling for $9.99 doesn't necessarily mean that it's terrible.  It's just not going to win any awards in Edinburgh in 2012.

Also, this is cute:

So with a lack of accessible data, I'm going to go straight to what counts.  The sensory experience.

NEAT:
Color -- Light Gold
Nose -- Decent, moderate molasses, vanilla, caramel sauce, a hint of spearmint
Palate -- Cheap vodka kick, must have come from some seriously overused oak, a little vanilla, angel food cake
Finish -- Quiet, furry (to use a Jim Murray adjective), sweet cream, but mostly bitter

WITH WATER:
Nose -- Muted, mellow, like over-watered Glenfiddich 12, more grains jump out
Palate -- Light vanilla & caramel, not hideous
Finish -- That kick of cheap vodka again, otherwise silent

HIGHBALL:
Palate -- Buttery, some coconut

Overall, it's surprisingly harmless and better than I'd expected.  Probably better than some blends twice its price.  I'm looking at you, Cutty.  The odd Popov-Vodka-style palate characteristic and the dead finish keep it from being a surprise winner, but this is by no means crummy.  Ultimately, it's probably best for mixing since the nose is reasonable and the palate is mostly mild.  And it's $10.

Availability - Many liquor stores, often in the bad part of town

Pricing - Good at $9-$11

Rating - 70

Sunday Ramblings

From 10am to 10pm, yesterday, we painted the living room and dining room.  Two coats, looking good.  My lower back and right index finger are sore and brain is mushy.  To celebrate the finished product, I opened a bottle of Oban 14yr that I'd purchased a half year ago.  An old fave, the Oban hit the spot (though it's seriously over-colored) and I was asleep after one dram.

In the very near future I'll be putting some posts about all of the fix-its that we've done around here.  The visuals have changed for the better.

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A beautiful piece of street art by Escif in Poland.

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Kristen and I have been watching tons of NBA Playoff action -- much more interesting than regular season baseball, I'm sad to say.  I'm having a difficult time seeing anything but a Heat-versus-Thunder (how about that for team names?) Finals.  Those two teams will have to do themselves in; no one else has been putting up consistent offense or defense.

And the LA teams?  Not inspiring.  It would have been nice to have a Staples Center-based Western Conference Championship series, but there are other pipe-dreams that I value more.

But still, Go Clips......?

Lube This

Whiskey Dick Personal Lubricant

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO--

*catches breath*

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO--

*catches breath*

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO--

*catches breath*

This is a violation of whiskey. And of d*ck.

Does someone out there really want their parts to taste like Jack Daniels? Or on the other side of things, why does someone want to taste that down there? And how is it possible that one's area tastes worse than Old Number 7?  Old Number 2 is more like it--

NO NO NO NO NO NO WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO PLEASE GO TO A DOCTOR NO NO NO NO NO NO--

*catches breath*

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO--

--maybe if it was Macallan Fine Oak (GET IT?!) then there could be a reasonable--

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.

I'm just bitter that someone thought of this before me.

(Many thanks to Johnnie Mundell Depp.)

NOT Single Malt Report: Michael Collins Irish Blended Whiskey

"THE BIG FELLOW"

Distillery: Cooley
Brand: Michael Collins
Type: Irish Blended Whiskey
Current Owner: Beam Inc.
Age: 4 to 12 years
Maturation: bourbon-seasoned American Oak
Alcohol by Volume: 40%

This actually the old bottle, but it's tall and lean;
plus it matches my mini bottle

Named after one of the leading figures in Ireland's successful struggle for independence and the first chairman of their provisional government until his assassination in 1922 (How about that for a run-on fragment; large as the man himself), Michael Collins Irish Blended Whiskey has a make-up similar to a Scotch blend.

The vast majority of Irish blends contain a portion of triple-distilled pot still whiskey (from a mash of malted and unmalted barley) and grain whiskey.  Like a Scotch blend, Michael Collins is a mix of double-distilled single malt and grain whiskey.

The Cooley distillery specializes in single malts as opposed to the single pot still whiskey coming from the Midleton distillery.  They make a number of very different single malts (two reported on here and here), from the Connemara peated brands to the unpeated finished Tyrconnell whiskies to a Michael Collins 10 year old to a number of small independent bottlings.

So this blend is structurally different that Powers, Jamesons, Paddy, and Tullamore Dew.  Is it better or worse or similar...?

NEAT:
Color -- Light brass
Nose -- Bananas, paste, flatulence (not petrol gas and not sulphur but really farty, unmistakable), burnt caramelized brown sugar, ethyl, notebook paper, and wood grain
Palate -- Pears, whipped cream, burnt toast, vanilla, very sweet
Finish -- Vanilla and fruit sweets, but also brief and salty

WITH WATER:
Nose -- Ethyl and notebook paper are all that remain
Palate -- Lots of vanilla, sweetened whole milk or perhaps vanilla yogurt?, toffee
Finish -- Short, but noticeable toffee and vanilla

The nose is a bit difficult, but the palate is nice.  Very easy drinking.  I just don't recommend putting your nose too far into the glass.  This is something I'm finding with most of the young inexpensive Irish blends. Their flavor is considerably more delightful than their scent, no matter how they're constructed.

So if you're not getting all hoity-toity with your booze and just want something that works well when it hits your lips, Michael Collins isn't a bad choice.  It holds water decently, and might (might) stand up to a highball or mixing due to its sweetness.

Availability - Most liquor stores
Pricing - Decent at $24-$30
Rating - 75

Loch Ness and I

This may seem a random thing to post on a Yank's website, but:

To explain:

The Howling Drunkards of Loch Ness

I drank a lot of lager at Fiddler's, 9 1/2 years ago, when I was drifting aimlessly through the West Highlands.  I stayed in Drumnadrochit for three nights at a hostel nearby (Loch Ness Backpackers!).  I remember the rain, the curled-horned Scottish Blackface rams, a pair of motionless Highland coos, a private tour of Nessie's favourite appearances.

I made my trip to that part of the world as I was struggling through some considerable personal turmoil. I wasn't going there for the whisky.  I was going there because it was not here.

And there I was, one late afternoon, walking through the tiny town.  Through farmland.  Through the forest that led to the River Ness.  I got lost.  Very lost.  The kind of lost wherein nothing around even sounds or smells familiar.

Being physically lost really shaves away the bullshit.  All those lies you tell yourself in order to get by day-to-day scurry away leaving you pretty much naked to the present.  The turmoil from home was still with me, heavy around my heart.

Rain whooshed in.  The wind awoke suddenly.  Somehow I heard the sound of the river and followed it.  I sat at the edge of the water, soaked, lost, and confused.  I was okay with never getting up again, never going back anywhere to anything.

In the downpour at a riverside next to a fallen tree five-thousand one-hundred miles from home, I was allowed a bright beacon of clarity.  I don't know where it came from nor why.  Most people pray an awful lot before being granted this sort of light.  I was able to let go of the massive weight of my self pity.  And that in turn released me to start the next chapter of my life.  I found my way back through the forest without trouble or despair.

Anyway, Fiddler's has a whisky festival.  It's this weekend and it's all good things from great distilleries.  And it's a ridiculous bargain.  Zipping around the water looking for Nessie then having a whisky at Urquart Castle followed by a hot meal...

Sounds pretty good right now.

NOT Single Malt Report: Powers 12yr Special Reserve Irish Blended Whiskey

I've taken to Irish blends much better than Scotch blends.  I enjoy a handful of $20 Irish whiskeys and l-o-v-e a sixth.  Meanwhile, there isn't one $20 Scotch blend about which I can say the same.

Objectively:  Perhaps the pot still whiskey merges with the grain better.  The additional distillation pass might help curb the cheap grains' more difficult aspects.  Or maybe there's a higher pot-still-to-grain ratio in whiskey than malt-to-grain in whisky.

Subjectively:  I drank (shot?) poor Scotch in college.  A few years later I sipped whiskey with Irish folks in small pubs on cold rainy nights.  Better memories are attached to one than the other.  And also Powers is delicious.

With all of that in mind, this week's blends will be both Irish and a little harder to come by than last week's scotch.  Next week we'll go back to Scotland, then back to Ireland for the following week for some normal $20 bottlings.

Today we go back to the Powers line.

Distillery: Midleton
Brand: Powers
Type: Irish Blended Whiskey
Current Owner: Pernod-Ricard
Age: 12 to 24 years
Maturation: ex-bourbon American Oak
Alcohol by Volume: 40%

I gave a bit of Powers (and personal) history in my effusive Powers Gold Label report.  Currently, all of their whiskey (both grain and pot still) gets distilled at the massive Midleton Distillery in Cork.  The young grain and pot still whiskies go into the Gold Label blend.  The whiskies over 12 years of age go into the 12yr Special Reserve -- first released in the '90s -- I'm reporting on today.  A special selection of pot still only whiskies, aged 12 through 14 years, go into their John Lane's Pot Still bottling.  The Special Reserve is available here in The States while the Single Pot Still is not.

I've flirted with purchasing the Special Reserve whenever I see it in a liquor store, but never committed to it.  Then on April 12th, I had the pleasure of ordering it up neatly at Dublin Square Irish Pub in San Diego.  It was $12 a glass which is a bit steep (and Redbreast was significantly cheaper for some reason) but I went with it anyway since it's rarely found at bars and could possibly save me the expense of buying an entire bottle blindly.

So how did it go?

NEAT:
Color -- Light gold (lighter than the pic above)
Nose -- Bananas + brown sugar + sweet cream + vanilla = banana split!
Palate -- Pot Still much stronger than the grain so there's some heft and spiced heat, vanilla, not dissimilar to their Gold Label but a little saltier and a little smoother
Finish -- Moderate length, some caramel, salt, then a little bitterness

WITH WATER:
Nose -- Water brings out more brown sugar, then fresh air and molasses
Palate -- Smooth and soft, delicious, think creamy maple syrup
Finish -- Improved, more maple syrup

Powers knows how to make some whiskey.  While the 12yr might have a more complex nose, I actually like the cheaper and younger Gold Label better.  They are similar palate-wise, but the 12yr is softer and quieter.  It's more focused with fewer surprises.

Those adjectives (softer, quieter, focused) would mean all good things to some palates.  If that's true for you then I recommend the 12yr.  I find more character (and characteristics) in the Gold Label's mouth.  I've spent considerably more time with Gold Label than any other Irish whiskey.  It's a touch crazier and rougher than the 12yr, so if that's the way you play, I recommend their Gold Label.

The 12yr takes to water better than Gold, but I don't recommend hitting it with a bunch of ice because it's already so hushed.  Probably wouldn't be half bad in a hot whiskey.

Again, this whole grading thing can be goofy, so this may not be final.  And perhaps I will buy a bottle some day and rethink it...

Availability - Many liquor specialists
Pricing - Great at $29-$32
Rating - 83

Mad Men + Revolver, Part Two

Sure enough the Interwebs were abuzz about Mad Men's "Tomorrow Never Knows" licensing.  For some quality insight about Matthew Weiner's creative process and some (unconfirmed) financial details, you should see this NYTimes Artsbeat article and this excellent Wall Street Journal Speakeasy piece.

What the articles don't mention -- and Weiner would never ever reference this -- is the song's connection to the Tibetan Book of the Dead.....the same tome mentioned in Roger's earlier LSD sequence.  There's a undercurrent of death gaining momentum this season (example: yesterday's episode title "Lady Lazarus" came from Sylvia Plath's poem about her failed suicide attempts, obsession with death, and possible rebirth).  So if Apple Corps rejected Weiner's "Tomorrow Never Knows" license request it may have proven to be more than just disappointing.

And it seems as if every blog post out there has a death/suicide prediction about this season.  I'm not going that direction.  I'll let the writers, production staff, and performers take me to the end.