Strep Throat in April? What?

Don't really know how one gets strep throat during a 70-80 degree April.  Especially "one" who spends most of his time indoors by himself.

*earthquake just hit, unrelated but awesome*

I'm going to blame it on the scumbags at the gym whom pick their noses, wipe their asses, blow snot rockets, rub their junk, pick their asses, and wipe their noses without a proper washup afterwards.  And then lift the very same weights I do.  Now I can't kiss my wife for a week.

I just switched to a larger, cleaner, newer 24-Hour Fitness, but that doesn't mean that the majority of the members f**kers are any less likely to break all of the 30 Simple Rules.  That's why I wash my hands thoroughly after every workout.  Maybe I should turn into one of those Purell junkies after all.

I've been trying to figure out what to eat, since I can't even swallow water without a stabbing pain.  So here's my list thus far:

Things to eat when you have Strep Throat:
Nothing - probably not the best option
Yogurt - antibiotics prevent the growth of good bacteria in your stomach, yogurt provides some of that missing good stuff naturally
Soup - as close to broth as possible
Whisky
Smoothies (w/protein) - but be careful, the cold stuff may feel good but the resulting ice-cream headache will punish your brains
Oatmeal - but not the thick kind
Maple Syrup - helps the medicine go down.  I'm kidding.  Sorta.
Chip dip without the chips - desperation takes over
Bowl of melted butter, BBQ sauce, honey, and tears of self pity - eat your shame with a spoon

Yeah, that's about it.

There's a lot of drinking of things like water (important) and hot tea which you'll swallow as your throat cries "F**K!" just like you do when you stub your pinky toe on a chair leg.

Good.  Times.  Now everyone, wash your hands.

I should post this at the gym

If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

Thank you Mitch Hedberg for today's title.

Yes we are moving, very soon. Signing the lease tomorrow. The apartment is full of boxes. More every day. Won't miss the neighbors. Or the noisy park. I really need to stop writing in short sentences now because that is really not my style and only works best to punctuate action.

An earthquake hit the LA area yesterday. I thought I'd just let you know that in case you missed the media over-covering the event. On the fifth floor of a 12-story building in Burbank, I was discussing data entry procedure with my office-mate when we heard what sounded like something really big slamming down onto the floor. Twice. Someone said, "What the hell was that?" Then things starting shaking in crazy jazz rhythmic patterns. I stood in the doorway. Everyone else who wasn't frozen in her seat filled the other doorways. Once I realized that I was going to live through this, a crazy adrenaline joy ran through me and I may have laughed. Then the shaking stopped. And the building started swaying. I didn't care for that. Standing in the middle of a swaying 200-ft. building felt like being on a boat in the ocean. For a full minute. And not one of those supposed "minutes" everyone references when something seems to happen for a long time. I checked my watch after a while. In a building made of bricks, steel, and glass, the hearts beating inside filled with hormonal panic. Breakfasts churned and may have threatened to escape. I saw no puke but heard much discussion of it. But all was over quickly, and Los Angeles went on its way again within minutes, though the TV reporting tried to stretch it out all day. "There have been no reports of damage or serious injury, BUT THIS MAY CHANGE!" Thanks Shepard Smith. You're an ace.

KP and I watched The Lady Eve this weekend. Barb Stanwyck gleamed in the black and white while Hank Fonda played a total fool. For the sake of men everywhere I was embarrassed by his character, but simultaneously saw the truth in it. The script was structured so strangely that only Preston Sturges's brilliance made it work.

I'm also still absorbing Velvet Underground's Loaded. It's taken about eight listens, but I think I'm finally getting it. In any case, "Sweet Jane" is a fantastic song. And I dreamt (really) to "Oh! Sweet Nothing". I like Lou Reed's pop-structured music but it's still so shocking to listen to after having enjoyed Velvet's first album for 7 years.